Gordon in Real Life

Sprezzatura

2012-01-04T14:51:00.002+08:00

The art of making elegance and intelligence so natural they seem accidental.

(: winners

2011-12-17T03:15:00.000+08:00

Felix in Japan. from Alexander Kuzmichev on Vimeo.

Pictures that touched my soul - 2011

2011-11-24T01:59:00.002+08:00

As the year comes to a close, here are the three photos I've came across that left me breathless, and also stirred some of the widest controversy and lasting impact on the world scale; in fact, I actually have the second photograph cut-out the moment I saw it on the newsweek I was reading. It was photography gold.

Three seemingly simple photographs but each on their own carries such deep hard-warming messages, prospectives and meaning in them.

So as thanksgiving goes, maybe it's time we sat down, and remind ourselves of the miracle that is, living, and of having our love ones constantly by our sides and in our lives..

Robert Peraza, who lost his son Robert David Peraza in 9/11, pauses at his son’s name at the North Pool of the 9/11 Memorial.

Australian Scott Jones kisses his Canadian girlfriend Alex Thomas after she was knocked to the ground by a police officer's riot shield in Vancouver, British Columbia. Canadians rioted after the Vancouver Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins.

Slain Navy SEAL Jon Tumilson's dog "Hawkeye" lays next to his casket during funeral services in Rockford, Iowa. Tumilson was one of 30 American soldiers killed in Afghanistan on August 6 when their helicopter was shot down during a mission to help fellow troops who had come under fire.

Have Love lost it's meaning?

2011-11-20T00:55:00.012+08:00

what is it that is truly in within your control?
whatever it is, don't let Love slip.

It's the fizzy feeling again. Even after I'm out of the cinema and a good many hours later I am still thinking about it, it made me drove at 60kmph on the highway all the way home earlier, and now as I am here staring on the screen, my mind is still buzzing with fragments of the movie flashing in my head.. frantically seeking for a dissimilarity or of some answers.. none.

the culprit is, You Are The Apple Of My Eye, by Giddens Ko

What I found particularly interesting is that in so many ways I see myself in the shoes of the main lead, Teng Ko; of course I am way off in the looks department, am nowhere as charming nor do I have half his humour, but I do have a bunch of 'brothers' that I can fool around with, have fights and have no secrets between too, I do also have a thing with Apples.. (both my tumblr & twitter account are 'crunchyapples' afterall), and lastly I do punch the wall too. haha, but I certainly do not walk around my house completely naked, only, Just half x]

but that aside, what hit me like a subway train is the apple of his eye.. Yi Shen, the girl of his dreams. From the direction of the film, it seems to me, Love can be a cruel cruel thing. It is often more painful than it is blissful.. in it there is hope, but equally there is loss.

They were perfect. They were a match-make in heaven, but why didn't they last? WHY!!

it was just that ONE incident.

Just ONE DAY, ONE INCIDENT and that was it. was their fight really worth it?

no.

should they get back together?

did they?

it doesn't matter, because the fact is that they didn't.

it is already too late. We can only question.

As with my own story..

We had a thing going. Ultimately, (like in the movie)

it was a singular incident, one uneventful day, one mistake, followed by one decision.

and that was it.

just like them, we drew our end.

Things change.

We used to be able to hold conversations that lasted hours; the last time I met her we spoke less than 5 sentences. We were complete strangers again. Whatever happened..

I think I can live a lifetime but still never figure this thing called Love.

Can we really watch our ex lovers move on in life and be (truly) happy for them? What if they were meant to be, suppose to be, a match in heaven? like Teng Ko and Yi Shen in the movie? Why then did the gods pull them apart? Can Teng Ko really be happy for her marriage? Can Yi Shen really be happily married without her past haunting her? Is it even possible? Wouldn't living be a torment knowing what could've been or should have been if that ONE DAY ended differently.. if one of them had savage the situation, apologized or just gave in?

why would the gods mock their very creations and what is fate when Love never comes back?

Even to the very end of the movie there wasn't an answer..

I probably wouldn't find one in mine either.

I guess then..

There simply isn't one.

I think I am going to have a love-hate
relationship with this film for a long time to come

The Call

2011-11-01T01:11:00.003+08:00

Family.
Friends.
& Love.

They are what makes living worthwhile. They are what the world revolves around. quite simply, they are the only thing that really matters.. But how many of us have a perfectly balanced and happy life?

It's disheartening to know of so many friends that have families with broken backgrounds.. All of a sudden cases of divorce aren't just limited to what I see in papers, or mere numbers and statistics, the older we get the more we see. And it pains me every time to hear the many stories.. Then there are those like myself with a full family, but they may be disconnected in other areas, perhaps a perpetual communication issue underpinning or something else..

Friends. The ones we run to when family just doesn't cut it or when we have a secret we can't tell. But as with all things beautiful, there is an uglier side to it too. I've seen and experience fallouts. To be vilified, and spoken off, to be stabbed at the back. I'm sure all of us have our own stories to share. The point is these harsh and painful sagas of our lives make us realise and hold dear to the ones that really matter the most.. And similarly as we with our family, they mean the world to us. They make us who we are. They define us. They ARE family; at least in our books.

And then there's love. Love cannot be contemplated, only felt. It is the one most easily taken for granted, and the one that can hurt the most, but also the one that can potentially change your existence. It's the one that gives you the fly when you least expect. To love and be loved is the best feeling on earth.. yet, at the same time, it is the most fragile and often also the most complicated..

but that's just the way it is..

Knowing that I have to work on the differences at home, to fight for my friends, and get myself together from the mess I created in love means I'm a long way off.

But I have time.

If those are indeed the three things that defines one's life. Then happiness shall be my benchmark, and the three my goal.. ;|

Heh, pretty accurate!

2011-10-27T01:26:00.001+08:00

this song breaks my heart :'(

2011-10-09T19:05:00.001+08:00

please, just pass by pretending like you don't see me
please, don't even give me a glance
in the days that are like the sandy winds
don't give anything to me

folding away my one heart
hiding my one tear
like it's the first time we've seen each other, like we're strangers
just pass by. it has to be like that.

by myself, i say my love, send away my love
in the folds of the lonely accumulated memories, the tears hang

even if you're far away, i hope that you'll be happy
i bury my love deeply within my heart

in the next world, when we are born
then, we'll look at each other face to face
let's be born so that we don't lose weakly in front of fate again

so that i may be a flower in front of you
i'll sing a song for you
as one's girl, as one man's lover
i want to always live by your side

by myself, i say my love, send away my love
in the folds of the lonely accumulated memories, the tears hang

even if you're far away, i hope that you'll be happy
my love, deeply within my heart...

though it hurts, though it will hurt, i will never cry
because there is no such thing as farewell in my love

when this life ends, in the next world, us two
let's love, for sure. let's love, for sure.
us two.

2011-10-04T00:09:00.003+08:00

I've lost.

Read me through

2011-10-02T02:28:00.013+08:00

It's in the lyrics. everything's in there

Nothing Last Forever

no one can promise a future that is uncertain or guarantee love forever, but if love is true, and stays too, it'll last. I'm sure it would. But you had your reservations and chose what you believed but never what I said.

Better That We Break

when we reach a point where fights ends in a silence, with our insides hurt.. and knowing things just don't work the same anymore..

Until You're Over Me

I can't get over you until YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE NEW. I am broken but I need to be shattered in pieces to accept the truth and bury the sorrows .. because that might just be the only way...

There are no rewards in what's broken

2011-09-29T16:29:00.003+08:00

This is such a daunting process. If it is even a process at all.

fragments of everything scattered all over.

Her fbt shorts and bunny printed towel are still here.

My shirt which she last wore is still hanging by the valet. I haven't bothered.

I can't.

In camp, our photos are still all over the inside of my closet.

Her photo in my wallet. And so many else, littered evidence everywhere..

Everything is so sudden. So cold, but so true.

I still haven't got about any of it or removed or clear anything of ours. This is my first real break up. I am foreign to this, and I am certainly not enjoying any moment of it at all.. it really makes me wonder how some guys like my brother can move on in the matter of mere weeks or just a month or two. They must have a heart of stone, or the feelings they had must have never been quite so real.

I mustn't wavier. I asked for this, I stick by it.

2011-09-28T23:17:00.006+08:00

i cant think of anything to do, so i am back blogging.

It feels like i am on a one way street and I've just met with a dead end.

on an impulse i wanted to club (i haven't club in almost a year), mass sent out a couple of msgs but everyone seems to be busy with mid terms. Don't actually think thats what i want anyway, just a mean to escape.

I am so tired. I've got about 10 tabs opened on my browser but i don't have the mood to read or check them out.

maybe i should just sleep..

feeling so restless right now..

fallen

2011-09-27T21:25:00.003+08:00

I used to tell her that she may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but she'll will always be my favorite colour. I wasn't lying.

It wasn't enough.

Her expectations weren't sky high, she was a simple girl. But as time passed, she became increasingly insecure and for no real apparent reason too. Simple assurances will never suffice. It used to, but nothing will ever now as I soon realised. If there is no trust, then everything I say will mean nothing. It's strange she would think otherwise. In the position I am in, I've everything to lose, she doesn't and I could only recall myself being the patient one. I have to. She was my precious, she was everything I wanted, everything I hoped for..

But being sincere and kind wasn't enough.

she was paranoid. Too paranoid. What used to be cute, to familiarity started to become down-right irritating. She love challenging me whenever she could. I never understood the rational behind it or why she does that, not to me, but more so to herself? Why would anyone? It doesn't make any sense to me, but she continues doing so.. Couldn't she see that its not doing us any good? What's the point of challenging me and testing me to my wits?

I tried to find out, I never did.

So what she has done was pushed me to the edge of the cliff. Our cliff. I'd hang on, but it doesn't seem like a cliff I'm sharing with her anymore, where we have picnic, crave our names on tress and fly kites. It now feels like I'm in her space. I can no longer belong. She has chased me to a position I never wanted to be in. I am at the corner, the tipping point of love.

And so I took a leap and headed off the cliff. Now I'm in the air. No one likes jumping beyond what you always believed. I love her. Yet no matter how I see it, it is clear to my mind as with my heart. There's no longer anything I can do or provide. I'm not pointing fingers, but what she has done, was frighten me away. I was intimidated, I didn't know what she wanted; I didn't know what to do.

And then I decided to take the leap of faith.

I jumped.

Now I can't sleep, I've fallen ill, twice. I push myself physically and mentally. But nothing is going to change. The damage has been done on both ends. I am just as guilty of it too. This time it's for real. It's not just another 'break'. We're breaking up.

With all of me, I've hoped and wished this was all just a dream. But I cannot fool myself much longer.

It hurts so bad because I almost want her to find someone new really quickly. Someone that can deliver all her expectations, someone that can deliver her the happiness I could no longer seem to provide.

It would suck, and I know the day she finds a new man, is the day I will hit the bottom of the cliff; the worst feeling ever.

I'll be shattered. I'll truly break down. But maybe being shattered is the thing I need to really stand back up and move on.

Right now I'm still falling.. an endless pit it seems.. just falling.. and falling..

Am I a bad person?

I never cheated.

I never lied.

I never had a change of heart.

Everything I did I did for her.

It is a pity..

it pains me very very much to say this, but I must.

if you are reading this, I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you. I tried, I really did do everything I could possibly muster from all my heart and soul. But it still wasn't quite enough.. and that's the best I can do. I hope you all the best, to find a better man.

Someone that respects you as I do and treats and protect you like his angel, and who rightfully deserve and cherish you.. because you are not just another gal.. you're magnificent. You are special.

I can only pray.

..because that is all I can do now. with nothing but a broken heart.

2011-09-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

She'll move on faster than me.

I'm sure of it.

In fact, maybe she already has.

I must be prepared.

I have to be....

Fuck Me

2011-09-24T01:27:00.001+08:00

THEY JUST KEEP RINGING IN MY HEAD

2011-09-17T00:29:00.004+08:00

I don't have to wait for December.

these are easily my favourites of the year!

Pumped Up Kicks

Skyscraper

I just jizz on my pants

2011-07-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

Was going through a few laps on Shift 2 Unleashed earlier and just managed to unlocked the 2009 Falken Porsche GT3 RSR!

For those who know, Shift 2 Unleashed is famous for being one of the most realistic driving sims out there - even more so than GT5. And although I hated the original 911 as well as the GT2; Gosh, was this Falken Porsche GT3 RSR a joy to drive! It isn't as easy to tame as the cayman S but is much more rewarding. And once u master it, the satisfaction u get from winning is unbelievable! (:

Got off the game, did a little search on youtube and found this. the 2011 Falken Porsche GT3 RSR

What a machine.

Change.

2011-07-07T16:54:00.002+08:00

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

I'm lying on my clinical bed with its white sheet, watching as the dull grey fan spins.

Time is almost still here when you have nothing to do. I'm glad all I have is a digital watch and a phone that does not tick. I can picture myself slowly going insane as I watch the hands go ticking by.

Things in camp are starting to settle. But life as a whole isn't exactly getting better. It seems my relationship with my girlfriend is in a mess.

I'm a mess.

I've recently completed my training at the Signal Institute and am no longer a trainee. I really thought things would be better; but it seems we've fallen into a stage where there will be at least one fight, however big or small with every meet-up. Its usually those stupid silly things, but also those that really get on your nerves at the same time. And as it accumulates you start getting impatient..

I broke first, I said I was tired with all the insecurities, the expectations, and the quarrels. I'm not proud but I was certain it was the right thing to do, I said we probably need a break from one another..

A week has since passed and all I can say is it's really hard.. If you think the guys have it easy, I assure you it isn't.. I wish it was but it ain't true.

And so we're kinda not talking now. It sucks because I know its not going to solve anything and is only going to make things worse. But I really don't know what more I can do.

Her 21st is coming up and I feel awful, things couldn't have come at a more terrible time. I'm not sure if its the right thing to do as we are both probably still not ready to meet yet. But I've asked her out tomorrow nevertheless as I've already planned and promised.

.. I can only hope it's not too awkward

It's strange isn't it? how a couple can feel like the most connected beings on earth at one moment and at the next it just doesn't feel right anymore.. what shame and more agony.

The most painful thing of all however is the feeling you know tomorrow wouldn't just be a simple birthday dinner.

My friend told me if we were to break up, it will be my loss. He's probably right. Afterall, I'm the one in camp with nothing more but a hard-as-stone bed and a spinning fan that stares back at me. And I know, a girl like mine is probably irreplaceable..

But if letting go is the right thing for us, then I must brace myself for the worst

Because as with all things said, life still moves on..

DROOLS ALL OVER.

2011-06-22T20:17:00.005+08:00

2011 Subaru WRX STI Sedan

I'm like completely sold for this car. Spent almost 2 hours on youtube just watching all sort of videos about it. This review from Driving Sports TV is one of the better ones.

:'( how I wish I was born rich, HAHA. Kay! Enough day dreaming Gordon! time to start saving for the BIG plan! I'm soooo going to own one of these beauties one day =b

& they say the guys are bad

2011-05-25T01:41:00.002+08:00

Then why is it from the stories I hear, the guys are always the ones ending up hurt? I've seen so many done so much yet never reciprocated, others, who went further, ended up ditched despite doing no wrong.

they say the guys are bad.. and the ladies aren't?

A great handful are too realistic, we all know that. Materialistic maybe. Doesn't matter.

Careful my fellow brothers. A relationship isn't just all fun and love.

Trapped only in a world of Two

and where enough is never really enough.

Then there's the occasional wrath. their insecurities, mindless stories, crazy expectations and endlessness of it all.

Giving in or giving way; however gentlemanly, or however you try to explain yourself (even when there's nothing to be explained), they don't work. Because if she chose not to believe, she's never going to believe.. and matters will never be put to rest. Soon in time, you'll find it coming up over and over again. Maybe not out loud, but it'll be there.. it'll be there in her head at the very least.

Oh yes, She'll remember.

Girls want to believe in fairytales but fail to realise that fairytales are only fabricated stories of drama, dreams and lies.

hitting the right one is like lottery, maybe 1 in 10 if you're lucky.

I've been hurt once, by my own doing, I gave in my all but got nothing in return. My friends called her a bitch, I can't decide if she was.

But this time it's different, this time it hurts more. And now I'm torn between making a decision I was never quite prepared to make.

not now. & I don't know what to do.

and they say the guys are bad..

who's fooling who.

I'll get there. Because I'm already on my way.

2011-05-12T21:12:00.000+08:00

we learn, we adapt, we live.

I haven't changed much. I believe I am still very much the same me as i was back a year ago.
NS has been a bitter sweet. The friends I made, I wouldn't have want it otherwise. 6 months has since past since I was conscripted and have a long way to go but already, I felt I've taken back more than one.

They say NS makes a boy a man, I disagree. You are who you are, you make your own. To me, NS is a phase not a process, what it does however, is open your eyes.

In service, you learn to accept what's completely unacceptable, it is where your values are challenged, your rights put behind, your morals tested. Many a times decision are made not by choice but by instinct or survival. NS allows you to meet and know all sorts of people. But most importantly, it makes you appreciate EVERYTHING in life just that tad bit better. And no, I am not even talking about Hot Baths or Television, but the simplest of things like people watching or waiting for a bus.

Before NS I curse and swear when I miss my train, or when I have to wait anywhere more than 10 minutes for a bus.

never again.

Because in that, I see the skies, I see the colourful vehicles zipping pass, I see a chirping bird, a lovely elderly couple, I see things that were once mere everyday nothings. Suddenly they meant something, they became life's little pleasures, they became the freedom to live.

Life's different when you're in service. It sharpens your personality, the one that you can never hide. The real you. Some do well, others fall out. But it doesn't really matter, because much as I hate to be doing what I did not subscribe to, I believe I will take something from this when it's time for conclusion. It's only half a year, and I've made some very good friends, reconnected with old acquaintances, I realised the meaning of friendship, loyalty, betrayal, selflessness, stupidity, integrity, patience, endurance, peace, hope, love.. the list is endless, it really is. & everyday I see a little something new, a little something different, never are two days ever the same in camp.

NS is life in a hurricane , it makes eighty, two and twenty, one. If you get what I mean. & I really do hope to get out a much wiser person, a better friend, a stronger lover.

And I know deep inside, despite much of the over-pouring negativity, I've slowly come to accept what I've got to do little better. I am no longer walking with my head down; my legs are now in rhythm. The next step, heads held high, and a steadfast march to the swing of adulthood.

I'll get there.

I know I will..

Because I'm already on my way (:

Strangers

2011-05-02T16:58:00.003+08:00

So true, it hurts.

But in it there's always some happiness to be found.

I think i can watch this over and over and i still wouldn't find the answer.

I believe neither of any of us can or truely ever will.

we can only seize the moment and be happy and thankful that,

something happened.

magic happened.

& even if it doesn't last

it's better than nothing at all.

I think love is worth it.

We live to love.

Don't you think?

2011-05-01T00:02:00.001+08:00

Dear MAY,

Please be good to me.

moments sway

2011-03-02T17:27:00.009+08:00

Haven't had much time to blog since I was posted out. So here's a unpublished poem I wrote back last year to keep u reading. hope u guys like it, (:

The Freewheelin' - Bob Dylan -1963. You can argue if this is any related to the poem I've written below
I was inspired maybe :b But this is one of my favourite album art.
kudos to brilliant artists of the past.

Moments sway

Objects like stone

Jobs in hibernation

Reality checked

Readiness none.

I want to learn how to make sparks

So everyone I love will love me too

And never be hurt again.

Do people ever get what they want?

Even if you journied boundlessly

Held needles like flowers

And hope for quicksand resolutions

Someday this will all be over

But I don’t distant with time

I only get closer as memories draws to clear

But clear as it is grey it becomes

Slowly but truly.

As I sat, silent at an open opera waiting for the curtain crawl.

~ G. 20 January 2010

Shortcuts to quick remedy anyone?

2011-02-06T01:58:00.003+08:00

I wish i could put all my thoughts in a jar, I think too much. Thinking too much causes me to over think and analyze things I don't want to deal with. It gets too much for me to handle and I panic. I shut myself down and go to war with myself, I'm tired and I'm sick of being tired. I want to be at peace with myself for once. To be happy and think about things that doesn't send me over the edge.

now the question is, how?

2011-02-03T23:08:00.005+08:00

Every face tells a unique story. A journey of trials and triumphs, joy and sadness, good and bad times, which has molded us to who we are right now. And behind the eyes of every human being, lies a desire to do something great with our lives. The core of this desire is this - to love and be loved. What we really want is love and acceptance.

2011-02-01T15:14:00.002+08:00

How do you make the most out of what you're given when all you're given is nothing but a bag full of shit?

No but really.

Do you know how it feels for a pretty bird to want to flock its feathers and fly but suffers from a bad or broken wing?

How a dolphin wishes to cut the waves and join his parade of friends but cannot because of an unfortunate injury?

How is it like, of having possibly all but suddenly none?

It’s not easy to comprehend. Not until I was recently put in that challenged position.

When I was posted out of BMT to be Recce Trooper, I was motivated; despite complains on the surface - I told plenty how difficult life as a Recce would be and how unlucky I was to be chosen as one. Yet, secretly inside I was actually very much looking forward to my new unit life, to be able to aim and achieve something, to don the coveted jungle hat as a qualified Recce Trooper was something everyone would to be proud of, plus a month off to learn to ride a bike (and fully paid for!) are some of the privileges a Recce Trooper gets. I was skeptical but I kept my feelings reserved, because I knew there was something to look forward to..

But now whatever motivation I once had,

Vanished. All in an instant.

Just an hour at the hospital and seemingly all the effort and heart I’ve put in the first couple of weeks in my unit seems to have all gone to waste.

The doctor told me I had a lower back problem, although the condition is mild and in the initial stages, it potentially will continue to become bad if I continued to abuse my back.. I was recommended to not take any more heavy load (something that's very much a part of a Recce Trooper's life) and down my pes status which would also means I will be out of my course.

Devastation checked, reality two.

I will now no longer don that jungle hat, I will not get to get to learn how to ride a bike - something I always wanted and looked forward to.. I will also no longer get a month off and spend time with my loved ones..

But was I to do?? When I forced to make a decision, I simply couldn't betray my body. I had to be honest. Nation Service is after all, just a service. I have a life ahead of me.. and I'm not about to give my back for a hat, some freedom or imposed glory.

So from next week, I would no longer be part of the main body of combat fit Recce Troopers. My life will change dramatically. It will be tough not in training but one of the mind. And I urgently need to find a new motivation, a drive, not even a goal, just some meaning, something that gives purpose to what I'll be doing. I've lost, but I haven't lose. I'm demoralised but I’m not sad. And that's how it'll be.

National service is something I've to put through no matter what and the earlier I accept the truth, the better. Change is a constant in everyone's life. Every difficult scenario faced is an opportunity to grow wiser and to become stronger for the next time you're put in the same star-crossed situation. Even circumstances that seem most devastating carry within them the seed of a new blessing. I must believe in that. And I must believe no matter what I do, there is something to learn from, however droning the task is.

That is my plan, and that's exactly how I intend to live by my next 500 odd days in service..

*with a reassuring grin*

Ummhmph.

2011-01-23T18:23:00.001+08:00

you wouldn't believe the amount of love i actually have for you..

123

Caged.

2011-01-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

Haven't wrote a poem in ages. So here's one i written about four weeks into my service. I like this one, i really threw all my emotions into it and i'm sure u can feel it just by reading, it pretty much sums up what i've been thru for the past 9weeks since i enlisted.. basically hell.

i'm just glad it's all finally over now.

Caged.

A fix perspective

a jagged heart

it's true when they say

we're all markers of our own beliefs

yet in the blues of the sky

my surrounding waivers

Circumstances stand

Opinion flies

peers accustomed

with a solder's plight

a battle crossing in the sound of my mind

but I'll be all but that's of not

In to the New Year

2011-01-01T21:52:00.000+08:00

Z.E.R.O

Yup, zero.

Z - Zero regrets in my life
E - Enjoy life to the fullest
R - Re-shape, re-invent myself for the better
O - Open my heart, soul and body to opportunities with a BIG WIDE SMILE :D

I read about this on my dear friend's blog and just as he's found it extremely meaningful I had a view of it of my own too..

2010 has been a drama. If i were to start there would be no end. But just as one of the best things happened such as getting together with this wonderful gal, I've also had a fare share of huge disappointments, really unfortunate incidents and dreadful reality smacking right on me. If I've learnt something about 2010, it would be enjoy life and freedom, treasure friends, love your family and karma exist.

2011 will be tough. real tough. I will soon be posted to a unit for National Service, and i will need to quickly adapt to my new environment if i want to make the most of my 2 years of service. 2011 will be spent pretty much in entirely in Service, but i wouldn't be letting that steal away my 2011. Because I've got goals and dreams too. And i intend to Z.E.R.O on to my life even if i have to take little baby steps; i'll work on it starting this year.. this i swear!

Z is tough, but u don't go giving without tryin'
E - I swear to make the best of what's laid out in front of me.. i'll take whatever's thrown at me with my chest up and a game face on. I'll say "come on, try to take me down!" to the hordes of challenges, hardships and difficulties ahead.
R - I want to be good this year. not for santa. I can say this over and over and its not the first time too. But this time I am specific to my goals and i WILL be a better man: I want to be a more understanding lover. I want to be more patient. I want to learn to give more. I want to be honest. I want to be less impulsive. I want to take a step back slow. I want to take things one step at a time. I want to sort out my priorities and draw out my inner abilities to the fullest. I want to know myself better. I want to be more creative, I want to idealise a great idea. I want to start a proper plan for my life ahead. I want to set simple achievable and approachable goals that i wouldn't be shying away from too soon.
O - I will. I will slap myself if i don't. I need to smile more and be less serious. I need to stop worrying too much and make myself look haggard and old. I need to be a child in a 20 years old pajamas. Smile, smile and everything will be alright is what they say. And I shall do just that. I'll pour them all out, my heart, body and soul. not just for opportunities, but in learning and understanding life as a whole.

What better time to start than now?

Welcome 2011. I am ready for you (:

I Love the way You are.

2010-10-11T16:24:00.001+08:00

Oh her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know

When I compliment her

She wont believe me

And its so, its so

Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay

I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails

I could kiss them all day if she'd let me

Her laugh, her laugh

She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know

Id never ask you to change

If perfect is what you're searching for

Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking

If you look okay

You know I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

The way you are

Girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

...

Yes, YOU.

ktwt.

Love this Video.

2010-10-06T16:18:00.001+08:00

love the car too! But on the Looks department you got to hand it over to the Mazda 2.

Respect Love.

2010-10-03T01:59:00.008+08:00

eighty four seconds of tranquil

three kisses of sincerity

one peace bounding bliss

a sharp awakening

shot by the arrow of love

not of loss, not delude

but a spear of purity

a well deserved blow

a slap on my face

Love is not selfish. Love is simple.

but Love is never free.

~G. 3 October 2010

Sometimes I embarrass myself with my pose and I bash myself inside for branding

with no right

only injustification.

So today I learn a lesson

I shall be true. True like what love should be.

Westerners and the rest of us & why F1 rocks.

2010-08-31T23:23:00.001+08:00

West meet East.

I have always disliked the local culture, I’m not against it, but I have always wish I was born a Brit maybe a New Yorker, being an Aussie would be great too.

I was brought up in a secondary school where the majority of us spoke in English; I actually realised after many years that only two of my friends in high school actually spoke Chinese!

Despite that, there should still have been a balance, both my parents were chinese educated, and my dad, worst, a keen calligraphy and teapots collector and an addict to chinese art, culture and history.

I must have failed him in every possible way then. Whatever that he is, I am the other, I've never passed a chinese paper except for the rare occasions and -thankfully- for my O lvl where I scored a C6 (I can never forget how my Chinese teacher when over to every student, with a pat on the shoulder and said inspirational words along the lines of ‘you can do it’ and ‘I expect a lot from you’. For me, he just gave a hard look, a gentle shake of his head, he could only muster ‘all the best’ – almost like he mean it. I bet he didn’t expect me to pass. All I know was I left school grinning with a big wide smile, I was plenty contended with a pass)

Back to where I started,

Why then do I look at the Western ways with gleaming eyes? no it's not the American dream, interesting as it is, it was never really justified, just look at the crisis now. I am like any other teen. With the internet, we are not influenced but bombarded with continuous influx of knowledge about the world of the whites. I watch english dramas I tuned to the english radio channels. I watch British sitcoms, hollywood movies. For me, this is clear, China is the production house, the creative minds are still dominant with the West. Look at your table, your ipod, your handphone, your laptop, even the shirt you're wearing, how likely are they to be innovated in China? Probably not, they are only produced there and this will probably still remain so for the next couple of decades at the very least. So it is not what we perceive, rather what we digest - literally. The things we use every day, what surrounds us. heck, the entire street of orchard is one big confirmation of my stand. Don't tell me you think that's any way chinese!!

I've always liked the way things work for them. I love their romance, I love their stories, I love their accent, I love everything they have that we don't, culture, nature, their awesome weather and more. And then ever so often, when I am lost wandering in the world of tumblr, a good hollywood classic, or listening to a soul soothing music, I would wish so much that I was born there as one.

Yet at the heart of it all, deep down, I respect my kind more so than anyone. The chinese are extremely hardworking, very sincere, not all are good of course, but because of our upbringing I dare say the majority of us are. The westerners will never be like us – after all a culture takes thousands of years to form– Ask yourself, why do they always go Confucius this Confucius that? People quote them because they know it's powerful stuff. They know it's good, and as unbelievable as it sounds, many westerners inspire to learn from the chinese. And there a good reason why too. If there's a talk about respect, morals and manners, you simply can't beat it. The Brits, well, they use fuck so often in a household it's just like any another word and they start swearing at the age of one. This I guarantee. Try that here and you'll probably get a tight slap on the face by your dad. And lets not get started on the Americans A thought about where the third finger originated and I don't have to explain any further.

What drives me to this point lies with where I am working at now. At my workplace you will find an abundant of 'ang mos'. In fact, my boss is french and she's pretty much the only really nice one – I wouldn’t deny how much of a bitch she can be at times but then again which boss isn’t? – whereas the others are just full of themselves, racist at best. Maybe because we’re generally shorter and they have to "look down" to us just to make a simple conversation?? Well I’m sorry, that just doesn't cut it.

I suppose then, the answer is in their upbringing, back to my original point, you see, if these relatively arrogant –or stuck up if you prefer– ang mos were Singaporeans, they would probably have treated us with a little more respect and on a levelled ground. But in the very same way I am saying this, I could say that if I was one of them, came from a foreign land and my skin was white, I might very well have treated my yellow friends with the same prejudice as they had given to me. Simple put, it all lies in the good of - please forgive me - Confucius & his never ending list of damn good shit brought from a tender young age in within our families.

Respect, morals and manners. Those are the three important words.

One last example of how discriminated we are in office (enough for me to want to blog anyway), I found my college who –yes– happens to be a Chinese, a great douchebag. why is a tale for another time. The important thing is as strongly as I despise him, in the strangest of way I would still rather have lunch with him than my new found ang mo friends, the very ones I always wished to be born as, the ones I’ve so much wanted to be and the one I so admired.

To sum it up, I love the west and without denial, I'm pretty pathetic as a Chinese. The real Chinesesy folks from China probably wouldn't find me worthy. But one thing I'm sure, I am god damn proud to be a yellow skinned Singaporean (:

--------

And now on a much lighter note, I just had to share with you how awesome F1 is this year. I insist everyone should watch it, at least this season.

Long story short, thanks to a majority change in rules from years gathered, F1 has never been this competitive and exciting, for many years the championship title has remained rather staid, by mid season the winner is pretty much predictable. But this year everything has changed. There are FIVE contenders for the championship. All only a few points from one another and only 7 races left.

2 of which with very recent championship title under their belt with maturity and patience on their side, 1 is experienced and wily, 1 is a total impetuous young idiot but hugely talented and 1 ambitious to show that he still can shine. No further comment needed.

A real difficult season I must say, and one so full of drama too.

The races so far not only bring the best and worst in drivers but in PEOPLE. Never have I seen people fought so hard for what they want. Even going to the extreme means of almost taking out or actually took out their OWN team mates just to reach their goals. I have never seen so much sacrifice and so much determination and yes – stupidity as well.

It will be a championship of mental and physical attrition as each and every one of them will seek to destroy one another –or– in the process themselves. A true survival of the fittest, with God playing nothing but the part of luck.

If I knew then

2010-07-30T00:18:00.001+08:00

My friend posted part of the lyrics of this song on her facebook wall & it immediately caught my attention. Really reminded me of my old time favourite, I knew I love you by Savage Garden. But in a very different favour of course.. this one is soft and has a melancholy tune to it.. with a splash of lifelong regret. Nice in it's own way definitely. and the lyrics is just so well written!! Anyway go have a listen on youtube, here's the link: If I knew then by Lady Antebellum Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. ((:

The first time that I saw you
Looking like you did
We were young, we were restless
Just two clueless kids
But if I knew then what I know now
Id fall in love

On a bus in Chicago
Three rows to the left
You know my heart was racing for you
But we never even met
But if I knew then what I know now
Id fall in love

Chorus
Cause love only comes once in awhile
Knocks on your door and throws you a smile
And takes every breath, leaves every scar
Speaks to your soul and sings to your heart
And if I knew then what I know now
Id fall in love

On a summer night in August
In the back seat of my car
Instead of trying to get to know you
I took it way too far
But if I knew then what I know now
Id fall in love

Repeat Chorus

Oh I used up a lot of chances
I cant get them back
But if again it comes calling
Im gonna make it last

Repeat Chorus

Oh if I knew then what I know now
Id fall in love

Life's unpredictable so let Love count

2010-07-16T02:10:00.002+08:00

Loads to tell, lots to update, but never the time- but here's a short take on what's going on this Summer.

FASS and NTU Biz accepted me, SMU plain rejected, very very strange. I'm either going to have another go next year or just settle down with NTU.. I'm really lazy and it's too early to tell, so anything goes really.

HUGE NEWS, after a few agonising months of waiting, I finally got my Enlistment date!! It'll be on the 8th of Nov 2010 . Which is BAD because it'll mean i'll have to miss my uni intake in the year 2012 by a mere month!

Obviously I can't do with just seating around doing nothing. So i headed down to CMPB, even spoke to Wong Kan Seng briefly to have my enlistment date changed to an earlier date or an assurance of some sort that i'll be allowed to disrupt my service and defer for one month, but unfortunately to no avail.. i wasn't exactly turned down, it was much worst.. my request simply fell on deaf ears. Why? Cause the government don't give definitive answers, the Minister of Defence simply doesn't care, and the folks at CMPB just don't know what I'm talking about.

I pleaded for a solution, all I get was a "there's nothing i can do". I want so badly to say in return "Well, that's simply not good enough!" but I know too well that they are just going to add another word to their original reply, "there's REALLY nothing i can do"; yea, i'm SURE you don't.

It's odd, how it's perfectly fair and fine if we fight and die for the country but they can't even offer to help. And instead so gladly mess up with my studies and the prospective career opportunities that I might so lose if i waste another year. In other words, I serve the nation so they can screw up my future. But the worst part is simply, not being able to do anything about it when you know, they can - well, if they wanted anyway.

thus,

I swallowed hard, forced myself to accept reality and settle with a part-time job for the time being. hopefully it'll be a good one.

I've been idling one too long, and i wished i had completed more books. How Starbucks saved my life was really good albeit really draggy.. i hope the last lecture will be much better.. it's funny how when you're busy you always wish u had time to do all the things you want to do but when time is all you have, you find yourself a little lost, not knowing what to do first or at all,

Life's unpredictable, as the recent months i had so clearly depict and sometimes it really kicks you right in the butt. What we do then, at times of swirling, is let the love in, I'm glad i have my.. the friends who share congratulations and consolations. my parents who supported me through what i now call the 'pre-enlistment saga' and a wonderful gal that loves me and serves way more than just a listening ear..

live and let die. G.

The Best Yet

2010-05-11T04:14:00.005+08:00

I’m having the Mushy Mashy feeling a lot recently.

Blame it on the ‘stuck in a middle of the nowhere’ situation I’m currently held in as I painfully wait for an enlistment letter to arrive before being shipped out to a little island at the north-eastern board of Singapore called Palau Tekong.. because I’ve no idea when doomsday will be, I haven’t gotten myself a part time job either. Plus who would bother hiring me for only a month or two. Maybe I could work longer, but I wouldn’t know now wouldn’t I? Not until unless I get the darn letter.

And then there’s me eagerly waiting for SMU’s reply regarding my application. At first, I thought all will be fine after the interview. I guess I was wrong. I really hate this waiting game and I hate not knowing.

But little frustrations aside, I have also been feeling very blessed lately. Blessed and happy. Last week was easily my busiest week of 2010. & Why? Cause it was my birthday week!! =DDDDD

I’ve never had so people celebrating with me ever. The pleasant celebration by EMRS friends, Samuel, Joel, Yeng Ling, Zhen Xin, Essanne and Gerald, was more than what I anticipated. It was hilarious too because I didn’t suspected they were planning a surprise for me. I suppose most would have expected it. But I was having so much fun I just completely forgotten about it. When Joel and Samuel came in with the cake and as the others started singing the birthday song, for that short moment I just felt like one of the luckiest person on earth. I hadn’t even known this group of friends for long.. I wouldn’t go to the extend to say that I’ve been stuck in a box for the greater part of my life before, but I did indeed came from an all-guys school, and birthday parties n/or celebrations are simply not in my book. What I felt that night, was true warmth, warmth not from the single candle on the cake but by all my lovely friends surrounding me, a comfort without conformity and a night full of joy and laughters. They say it wasn’t much, but to me it was magnificent. just being able to spend time with people you care and people who care, it’s just the best feeling..

Then there was Kelly and her little well thought out surprises. Fooling me that she hadn’t got me gifts, haven’t planned what movie to watch till that day itself and no birthday cake.. maybe it was because I was secretly hoping inside and expecting them all ;X ahaha. but oh well, she definitely got me! and I certainly got more than I expected too =] Her gestures are always simple, but yet many so profound.. May 5th 2010 was indeed special and it'll be a night I’ll be remembering..

Finally, there was picnic with Regina(nana), Glenn, Johnathan and Kelly dear. We prayed for days that the rain wouldn’t come down on us, but it just had to. Thankfully the rain was short lived despite the ragingly dark clouds that seemed to have loom and hang over us for hours both before and after. But on the other hand, what we didn’t expect, we got aplenty – WIND!! Getting the kites up was much fun. Glenn, Johnathan and I were making great fools of ourselves just trying to get them up. From running like little kids to throwing them up like paper aeroplanes, we tried them all. The food we prepared were extremely sinful too! Especially so was the superduperliciouslycolourful cake nana baked personally for me!! :DD Not forgetting the very thoughtful gift from both Qian Hui and her, they are really not kidding when they say they know me well! (:

With that bombshell of an entry, I would just like to sign off by saying that I am no great guy, and I certainly don’t get 20 cakes, hold lavish parties or get expensive gifts, but what I have, I am thankful. Thanks everyone, for making my 20th such a meaningful & happy one. I am really glad to have you guys as a part of my life.. love y'all! =')

It takes more than ego to bite on ones lips

2010-04-29T00:47:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I lay in impossibilities

Sometimes words don't matter

when black of ashes are remembered over snow

Sometimes you try even when things are heading for a fall

and just like that from milestones to piles of ruins

Like a clap of thunder

a blink of revelation

Just one outsider,

and in rolls the imminent flood of pain

the bittersweet burns of a day hot and another day cold

scars that stain already wounds

broken sorrows and a bottle to fill

What scenario gives the pass to overflow?

A bite on my lips
A look fore.

Yet at the very least, at least I know I am looking towards tomorrow more than mere yesterdays..

2010-04-14T03:10:00.002+08:00

Let bygones be bygones

friends around me.

2010-04-10T00:41:00.007+08:00

I need friends constantly around me. If anything, I consider myself a people person (well, not in a vain, selling to potential employers way), I must constantly feed my need to socialise. lock me in a cell and I will rot. place me in the center of a party and I shall thrive.

I am perfectly aware of friends who enjoy spending time by themselves; friends who love shopping alone, friends who enjoy taking joy rides alone and friends who would travel from the far north to East Coast Park just for an afternoon jog!

Well, I simply cannot do. Much as I distract myself (say listening to my mp3 player as I jog) I'll still feel a certain sense of loneliness. True, nothing wrong spending some quality time by yourself, heck it's even a proven therapy acknowledged by many published therapist. But I just can't rid the silly idea I have in my head that, if I'm alone, I must be really pathetic. It goes along the lines of, 'if I'm alone, it must mean I've got no friends willing to accompany me.. be it to shop, run an errand or just for a simple afternoon jog.'

sceptic to what I just said, I did have a glimpse of 'alone-time' today and it was a rather peasant one. Skated along ECP, sped past many others alike seeking the same refuge from the urban jungle and for that slight moment, I felt free. freed from all the worries and stupid-silly things in life.. with not a sound but the wind by my ears, it was amazing if anything. but much as it is, spending some alone time by yourself simply wasn't my kind of thing.. Well, maybe every now and then when I really need to clear some air but meh..

As I cruised on further into the park, my mind did the magic, and like always, it struck me once more. I braked hard, did a turn and headed back where my friends were waiting on for me..

I am definitely not an 'alone person' and I certainly enjoy company.

2 mins, a pen & an awesome gal = something really mushy

2010-03-24T00:59:00.003+08:00

A tremendous triumph of the heart

a single sought and a thousand throb

no one would have thought

stares can last forever

and skin can be this soft

a soul soothing smile

and a kiss she should have never gave

now I am bewitched.

breathless I lay every time our eyes crossed

as I yearn for another brush..

I want you.

nip, snap, poof! & all might just be gone..

2010-03-09T04:49:00.004+08:00

Sometimes it feels weird.
it's a jumbled mushy mashy feeling inside
but it's nice. this I am sure.
it's nice that you have someone you're always thinking about, it reminds you that it's not always just about you
it's warm to wake up in the morning not by the sun but by a message, it tells you that someone is thinking of you just as badly
it's wonderful that someone genuinely cares, it tells you that you're not alone
it's even prettier that affection can be shown through actions, it shows that love is beautiful thing to behold
it's a lovely when they are true, it makes you want to embrace and hold them dear.
For a guy (and especially so for a Singaporean), I'm terrible sucker for romance
Everyone tells me so.
I want to be a great lover
But I recently realised some things are simply not within your control
It doesn't even matter how perfect you try to be
and sometimes I can't help but feel troubled..
I finally understood why today as I was glazing out to the stars.
when you think of it, the answer is simple, really.
Because when you have someone you dear,
it also means you can lose it.. anytime, anywhere..
and i can't help but be scared

..no one likes to be hurt.

2010-03-05T13:51:00.001+08:00

“Good relationships balance over time. This means that at any particular point in time, the relationship may appear quite unbalanced: One partner may be more nurturing; one may be more needy; But if both partners are loving, understanding, giving, dedicated and flexible, then the relationship can handle all kinds of ups and downs, and still be strong, exciting and, yes, romantic. The best relationships are well balanced. Not a delicate balance; not a static balance- but a dynamic ever-changing balance.” — Gregory Godek

2010-03-03T12:21:00.002+08:00

neeeeeeeeeeeeeed a blazer :c

Us

2010-02-26T17:00:00.003+08:00

A step forth and another step foe

knowing and no

and just like that you devote me so

There is no denying

electric correlation do exist

do you not feel it?

the suspended persuasion to be held close..

Why do I hamper myself with my own perplexity?

Why do you arrest your emotions?

Will it be fair to our soul?

When you and I both know..

2010-02-23T18:00:00.008+08:00

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

2010-02-22T17:25:00.001+08:00

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in other, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Beautiful.

A crack in the system

2010-02-17T01:36:00.002+08:00

I knew this day would come. Just me sitting on the chair. Staring nowhere and wondering 'now what?'.

One prominent journey of my life has just ended last Friday. It was my last day of my internship at Aviva which also means i am now a poly graduate. I knew then, that i'd feel lost this week and lost i am indeed!

I've got so many things to get settled, i don't know where to begin. What was once 'no time at all' has now become, 'so much time that i'm now lost'.

I don't like this stucky feeling, lazing around completely in waste just trying to figure what is priority. And since time is all you have in the world, you really have the tendency to get lazy and push things off. Maybe having no time at all was better, because then, making a decision on what do would have been a whole lot easier.. Now that it's overflowing you're really just like 'now what?'

Pls tell me it's not just me,

haha i guess thats what the super rich are experiencing; not with time but with their money. they have so much of it, they end up dying without spending a cent because they couldn't decide what to do with it when they were still breathing. lmao.

moving on, i saw a facebook quiz today, the title of the quiz went, "What are you addicted to" and i have reasons to believe that this might sound like something bad to most at first. But actually if you really thought about it, it seems more like a test to see if you had a damn life. And it was exactly then that i realised i didn't exactly have one - i could only fill three of the five compulsory boxes. And my three weren't even that good to begin with.. listening to music, watching movies and tumblr. not even a single healthy activity like perhaps going on a hike, cycling... actually in my case even the taboo gaming isn't all that bad a choice.

You see, the thing is thanks to the education system here in SG and what our society is becoming (think the endless competition and stress) I've essentially become a completely boring person. Yup. I mean geez I used to do insane 3am night cycling all the time - and that's just one of many. Through the years, I've basically forgot what it was like to just have fun and forget about everything else. I am admitting it now - that not once in my 3 years since the Os have i not game for more than 2 hours without a drop of guilt. The aftermath of gaming is always something along the lines of 'i could have better spent my time doing something more useful' when all it used to be then was, 'oh that was fucking awesome, i'm so going to continue playing'

And just as i want to start afresh, clear my shelves, throw every book away,, and flush all that nonsensical crap off my head, I can't. Why? because there's a Uni application i need to get done - and even that has a deadline.

I am really tired and beginning to wonder if there will ever really be any break from anything in a life living in a bursting cityscape. I guess that's why I (or people) procrastinate; trying to push away what i can for as long as i can.

If you asked me now if i had any regrets being in the last class and being probably one of the most badass student back in my secondary school days, my answer is great Big No.. not one bit. To do wild things is to be free. So what if i have a high GPA? i could bet i had more genuine smiles in a single day than the 3 years of my poly life combined. But that's still not the saddest thing. The sad thing is that once you're in it, you're pretty much stuck in it.

You want to be rich? You want to be comfortable in life? Well, then you better have a darn certificate, it's the key to open all the doors. & how do you get the certificate? you'll need a degree.. and to get a degree?? you'll need to work your ass for it.

Ironies of life? tell me about it. This is just the beginning.

I could feel the warmth in my dreams

2010-02-09T00:25:00.000+08:00

don't you just hate it when you're forced to wake up from a lovely dream?

My best damn dreams are always broken to the ringing of my alarm clock.

& it just HAD to happen again this morning..

I spent the entire journey on my bus to work just trying to recall and piece together the story in my dream. sounds silly I know, but it's not everyday that people have nice sweet dreams, and certainly not me.. so I was really hoping to remember even if was just a thing or two.. anything.

in the end I felt quite miserable because all til noon I still couldn't piece everything together; at least nothing from the start.. but here's what i can muster. & I'm penning it down here before I really forget for real.. forgive me if it's really jaggy. I AM WRITING MY THOUGHTS DOWN STRAIGHT FROM MY HEAD. YOU'VE BEEN DULY WARNED.

for some reasons, things haven't been working out with me and this gal.

- the important part goes to the center of the story here. which i sadly cannot remember -

then the setting swings to the outside of a beautiful stadium. - no idea why on earth I was at a stadium -

It was a lovely snowy evening,

We were standing by the entrance. Just the two of us, the stadium was completely deserted, it was quiet, and we could feel the silent in our ears.. but it also felt like we had the world. We were the only ones there except for the snow covered benches and the struggling grow from the heavily condensed london lamp posts that lined the stadium. But she and I.. We just stood there by our own, although next to one another.. but not at each other..

We stood looking at the road ahead. as if we dared not look into each other ..

..her dad was coming to pick her..

it was snowing; a nice steady flow; but we were silent with our surrounding.. I remembered having a frown on my face. she had teary eyes..

- I really can't remember the exact events preceding this. I really want to remember.. I suggest you read on. i'm sure you'll find your own.. perhaps using your own imagination -

eventually her dad arrived .. & I slithered away.. slowly fading into the drowning snow

...

..

just as I was walking somewhere pass the side of the large big stadium....

A hug from behind..

I was so busy in thought I couldn't even hear her heavy thudding footstep on the thick white snow. all I could feel was the warmth from behind.. and that was the only thing that matter..

then in all the softness in the world, I heard her whispered into my ear..

"I love you"

& I gently shut my eyes and lean my head against her soft blushed hair....

* and.. my alarm went off *

- I think I meant to say "promise me you'll never leave me again" -

BUT I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER..

How I wished time just froze then!! T-T I could just die in that moment a happy man.. i swear.

I even put my alarm clock on snooze because i wanted so badly to get back into my dream but the additional 10 minutes and massive toss and turn simply wasn't enough.

And yes. i ended up late for work.

FML

2010-02-06T00:30:00.002+08:00

(Y) migration seems to be successful. 'cept for the fact that some of my older posts are now completely, and strangely, very blue. haha, well at least it goes with my blog url, greencyanBLUE.

Anyway, some of you folks have been telling me to get my blog skin changed since a year ago. I think the main complain was that the old font was too small (seriously you people are just getting old!) and the occasional, "eh! i think this blog skin is too gay for you". lol..

well, after a year long wait, i finally decided to nip myself in the butt. So here it is!! It should also load faster now because i used a better compression for the photos and opted to display only 20 past post on a single page. Yupp! I'm also considering to be more open with photos content wise.. i want to be more bold (and i said bold not self-obsessed) so i guess you can look forward to more pictures in the near future.

and rest assured because i shall still continue writing my poems, i always enjoyed that. Now we only have to pray that there will be less emo ones and more happy ones to come. hah!

Alrighty. I hope you like the new look as much as i do (:

Do leave a comment!

ps. nope it's not your eyes playing tricks on you. the banner on the top changes every time you enter. Currently there are ten, all of which are my favourite quotes - some by famous poets and some my own. I will include more soon so keep checking back in! ;D

uhuh.

2010-02-05T20:09:00.003+08:00

“Don't tell me who I am; because unless I write all my thoughts down on a piece of paper and hand it to you, you don't even know half my life.”

i like this.
what a fancy way to say don't judge me.

haphazard love

2010-01-20T21:03:00.007+08:00

Moments sway
Objects like stone
Jobs in hibernation
Reality checked
Readiness none.

Do people ever get what they deserve?
Even after you journeyed in boundlessness
Held needles like flowers
And hope for quicksand resolutions?

I want to learn how to make sparks
So everyone I dear will return with the same undying love
And to never be hurt.

as memories draws to clear
Slowly but real
Only guilty of not have teared
and an everyday masquerade
with chins held high
till the black has shone
I redrew to an silent opera
waiting for the curtain call

i'm still not ready. i thought i was. This feels retarded because i'm sure i'm the only one affected and it just isn't fair. Call me childish and immature, unrealistic, or naive. I have fallen in lush or love i don't care, it doesn't matter. All i know is it happened. It all did, it was tangible and real, and thats why it makes completely no sense to me.

I need to breathe.

and here i thought these post-crap shit/headaches are suppose to only affect women.
What bs.

urgh..

*slaps forehead*

white sunday

2010-01-17T10:42:00.014+08:00

So my desktop is in ruins and i'm using my laptop more so than ever. I actually believe the time i spent on my lappy in the past 2 weeks is more than the total time i spent on it for the past 3 years in poly. i'm serious! haha i hardly use it and it's still sparkling new! :d
and i finally understand why ppl completely adore their laptops now. you can really use it anywhere - and i don't just mean in the loo. right now i'm laying chest down on my sofa while i type this with one hand and my lappy on the floor. comfy.
well, i believe all of us had used it on our beds before, but i also tried using it while balancing it on my knees - you know when u snuggle up against yourself and bring your legs close to your body? it's quite a funky and challenging position to be using your laptop. You should try. haha
though i must say, all of this is making me terribly lazy. my cheeks are currently punched on the edge of my sofa and i'm sure i'll have the imprints of the sofa on my face when i eventually do get up later.
but i feel great now. I've never felt sunday mornings in the longest time. my routine sunday starts in the afternoon with my mum giving me a wake up call up for Lunch. So you can guess what time that would usually be! hah.
It's now 10.53am, not early to many but very to my standards. my brother was in st james last night so i don't suppose he'll be up anytime soon. while my parents are out for their usual sunday morning exercise at some park or hill whatever (i'm just glad they're trying to keep fit) so essentially what i have is the entire house to myself
..and gosh is it quiet. it's so peaceful i'm not use to it :| but it's definitely nice. i love it.
oh, & i've switched position haha! i'm now seating on the floor, legs crossed with my lappy resting on the sofa.. (needed to in order to have my milk & cereal)
but since all of this feels so awkward, i guess i shall be heading back to my bed, after all, i wouldn't want to give mum a shock when she comes back and sees me awake ;)
good morning sunday people. have a wonderful day ahead
-G

January as of now

2010-01-13T22:18:00.007+08:00

Agnes recently crowned dumbdumb as my new nickname. I think I’m starting to understand her ration behind it haha.

Felt cold all night ytd and I was wondering what’s up with the weather and I realised only when I woke up that I have turned on the aircon in my room the night before but forgot to shut the windows. FAIL. Ahaha

Another reason to feel stupid, I bought a Jumbo can of Pringles for my consumption in office, but I kept forgetting to take it out of my damn bag.. ehh, since monday. LOL. So essentially it’s been in there for three days! Took it out and tried shaking it when I got home today.. everything inside seems shattered into what’s probably a gazillion pieces now. haha and since it’s Jumbo sized I can honestly tell you it’s not the most practical thing to be lugging around in your bag. But oh well, I guess it’s still not half as bad as the one incident I had where I had Popeye’s Cajun fries in my bag over an entire weekend :| found a colony of ants the following Monday. Freaky stuff.

ps. I bet some extended family members of the ants I killed on that tragic day are still alive and thriving somewhere in my room >:C

Anyhow, work is starting to be a nip in the butt. And my new Sony Ericsson phone really does come with the most useless alarm tone I ever heard till date – it’s so soft and soothing it’s actually more effective in helping you sleep then to snap you out of it. Still, I can’t be bothered to get it change. CAUSE I’M LAZY LIKE THAT UHUH UHUH :D

Mmm. I guess going to work is starting to feel like a drag because I’m halfway there (bet u’re thinking about Black Eyed Peas now). You know, they always say the most difficult part of adapting to a new environment is when you first entered and when you’re halfway in, when things around starts to slow and become monotonous. Well, I can tell you it really is.

So I can’t wait for the last day of my attachment. Then I shall say a BIG goodbye to both work and my Poly education for real. But till then I shall be a living zombie. Speaking of which, I really can’t survive a day in office without my daily fix of 1. Lipton Tea (I still like the original sachet ones) in the morning and 2. Cadbury 3 in 1 hot choc in the afternoon – which btw, is seriously good stuff. You HAVE to try it haha. That’s pretty much the only reason why I even bother heading to the pantry anyway

:d slurrp

Stop looking at the cookie! haha that's the Pinnacle@Duxton in the background. Yupyup the most expensive HDB in sg can be seen from my office

Just another boring view from the office's pantry
Following pictures are from my awesome night trip with Balek & Mr. Jared Lucas,

Hola! Dim Sum at Geylang. The Teh was terrific and it's pretty cheap too!

And supper at Jared's place. I dubbed this the bird food. I think it's quite convincing with the picture of the eagle on the package.. very very misleading indeed haha. However i can assure you it's very very nice & definitely for human consumption. Trust me. i finished the bulk of it ahaha

Oh and we bought frozen pizza from Mustafa. But decided it wasn't good enough so we threw in more ham & some sliced olive. I also added some 'miracle' pepper on my slices too. yum. We also found Imported Dr. Pepper! Hugely disappointed though. It tasted in between almond syrup and antibiotics with a splash of coke.

EHH. WHICH REMINDS ME. I AM STILL HUNTING FOR MY BELOVED VANILLA COKE!! PLS TELL ME IF U SEE IT!!

ERROR: This photo is an error by blogger and is not suppose to be here.
HAHAHA & i'm not chubby k. There's half an apple in my mouth!

And lastly.. the car that has been thru thick & thin with us all.
Now we finally know why..
Look!! the driver can't even reach for the brakes! :X

Ooo

2010-01-07T23:46:00.003+08:00

AHH. the kittys are there again; and this time the she-kitty is pregnant

uhoh.

gonna have more wandering around very soon ._.

once

2010-01-04T23:06:00.009+08:00

As Dao Jun puts, he has no idea how or why my 2009 can be so 'eventful'. It really was, i had so much (notice i didn't use many) coming down on me, without even moment's break in between. I'm tired, my mind's all fizzy :| even as the world transcended into the new year i was still in a blur.. but as i caught up, here's what i got to say for yesteryear & what there is for me in twentyten, because Once is enough!

I wish I could be more apathetic

instead of always being numb with thoughts and feelings.

My past is but a mystery and the present at best, a misty shade at times of question

it's about being in a hiatus of thought, knowing something but nothing.

Sometimes you wish you knew and sometimes you resist

the harsh eventuality of hurting yourself in the end because you want not on the other

and it pains how they might blind you out without a moment's thought in comprehension

there are simply no guidebooks on the steps to take and certainly no straight answers

only as vaguely as they see..

But I am wiser now

I shall not pave paths but step ahead with only what comes around.

Festival of Love

2010-01-01T03:37:00.019+08:00

Was out till late on Christmas Eve and guess what i saw on my way home? :D

Two of the most adorable kitty i've ever seen! hahaha

i know you're going to say, yo Gordon, whassup with the gay pictures. My reply is simple! YOU really have to be there at that moment to feel what i felt !

So you see, it was Christmas and nearing 3am in the cold morning, the estate was empty, the only sound and movements were the littered leaves carried off ground by the gentle winds. And there they were, two of the most lovely thang' ever. The ones we so often overlooked (strays), there, tugged closely together. And just as i withdrew my phone to snap a shot of the loving couple, the male kitty started to lick on the forehead of it's presumably greater other with such tenderness - only making what was already beautiful, better.

aww.
Male kitty: 'Oh, did i mentioned that you have the yummiest forehead?' :d haha

A couple of days later, i was back late again on the eve of New Year, and guess what i saw this time?! It was the cute kittys again! hahaha at the same spot and still as loving (just see how close they are) as before but this time with a slight touch of humor. i've got no idea what the male kitten is doing here.. looks to me like he's smelling the butt of the she kitty either that or he's just camera shy HAHA . Well, in any case nothing too intimate but still very very cute. So Snapped!

In all honestly, i never liked strays from the beginning, but seeing these two, at least for that moment, everything was just behind. Love really is all around us and i believe it has the magic of bringing the warmth and comfort our society so lag today. And it's not just us people that have the power to convey that message but it is in the nature of the world, the surrounding around us and as we know it. So yea, i guess you really just need to FEEEEL the love. hahaha you'll know what i mean.

That said, although i had one of the most distressful year, i really did learnt a thing or two about who my true friends are and made some new alike. So instead of all the well wishes and usual statement of 'oh-my-goals for next year', I shall take this time to thank everyone in my life. Everyone i met, and interacted in 2009, especially the ones who helped me through when i was down, dull and ugly. A great BIG Thank You, I love ya'll man.. ;D

See you all in 2010 real soon!

she kitty: 'Meow. What on earth are you doing!? '

ps. Sorry for the poor quality photos, i don't exactly have the best camera. haha and yesyes i know they aren't kittens but cats just doesn't sound as sweet or nice as kittys okay. So don't you complain!

my gratuitous affection..

2009-12-23T00:15:00.010+08:00

je ne sais quoi

The time has stuck
I gave my heart
there was never enough.
It was never any different
reality is tough
I don't think I botched, I was never given a chance..

Because chances are like privileges
and time like gold
Moments might be treasured,
only never collected

until there was no more

Anyone who have heard would believe my stories
A tale of fiction but one so real

How could she not know?
When fairy tales strike harder?

..The only problem about my problem is that everything was real..

I can still remember all the little things she used to tell me, like the story of how she 'snatched' an elder sister in her primary school or how she'll stand by her stairway and wait for her mum to come up safely before she heads to sleep. The ones that people don't remember and the ones I fought so hard to forget.. or the things I did and am still willing to do, but sadly completely heedless and redundant by her

it's not made any easier when I am always able to find some affinity with her to my surroundings, what people say or the places I go.

but more so than everything else, is the fact that she seems indubiously unaffected through everything that has happened or the fact that she'll never read this only pains me more

yet I know no one can blame her but myself for falling silly over her. and for that very reason i feel ludicrously stupid.. but as often as I am not, I can't help but think this is fallacy.

I feel like Tom in 500 days of summer. Even more like Jacob in Twilight; we were never together. Cheated is too strong a word, i think maybe i am just.. hurt.

Strange but Wonderful World

2009-12-17T23:38:00.006+08:00

Felt so silly yesterday when I fell asleep and missed my stop on my bus home.

It was funny because i actually shoke myself up about a stop or two before the one i needed to get off. i should have stayed up but instead chose to fall back asleep hahaha. how smart of me. Woke up and realised i was at Toapayoh central.. that aside, isn't it amazing how our body work? Like the natural body alarm that keeps us on time for work or school every morning and how we can seemingly sleep on our trains and buses but always wake up just on time to get off?

Anyway, since i was in central i decided to go get the Anti-frizzzz Serum Puay Ching recommended for my hair. I hope it's good. Because you can never actually make a decision when you're at the store. The marketing effort on such products, I find, often incredibly plausible (sense my sarcasm?) Haha, the product description on some might even provide you with a good laugh - especially those foreign products where english isn't the prevalent language practiced.

As an example here's what the back of the Anti-frizz Serum I got says,

"nourishes, calms, smooths, silky, manageable results ...provides nutrition and protection for an intense smoothing. Your hair is nourished from root to tip and protected from the effects of humid and dry condition, such as frizz and puffiness. Your hair is silky and manageable."

Hahaha just look at the number of positive locution used and the promise! and this is already considered one of the more subdued ones i assure you.

I guess this is why we shouldn't trust marketers x)

Speaking of which do you know Horoscopes work with the same theory beneath? only with a twist. I like to call it the theory of cogitative matching. Basically it entails speculation where writers write in random or possibly, in chronologic order and readers simply try to find connections and relevance on the basis of their daily lives. That's why sometimes you really find no link in what's written but when something eventually does, it hits you. It's a simple theory but it works, so it keeps people reading. Especially those females who never fail to enjoy fantasizing or contemplating on a little something about what might happen later in their day - like meeting their prince charming. haha. Come on ladies, don't deny! ;)

I for one, remain skeptical about Horoscope reading and only do so when i slumber upon it in the papers or on some magazines i happen to read. After all, some of them can be really interesting

can autumn possibly be over before you know it?

If so, I silently hope my sweet winter comes soon.

Because time is short..

merry merry

2009-12-15T21:00:00.005+08:00

Mum hanged Christmas socks on the door!! That's like the first ever christmas deco we had in ages.. still missing a tree.. but as it is, i'm happy with the socks. I'll make do with what little christmas atmosphere there is at home. I've been rather tempted to get one of those mini christmas tree for my table but looking at the current state of my table i guess not. haha there's like a ~~pile~~ hill of rubbish on it. Think i'm just going to cheat and get a simple Santa hat & play some good old christmas songs.

Still so many things to do before New Year..

#)$*!&#(%^@!

2009-12-14T01:07:00.006+08:00

Don't just look at the heart but the big black cloud towering above it.
like one wasn't enough shit just keeps piling up on me.

First I fell for a girl probably ~~too good for me &~~ never meant to be..

Then I got into possibly the worst place to be attached to in my entire cohort.

Got into some trouble and had to fork out $300 for it.

Lost my phone.

Then felt sick twice in a week.

And today I accidentally got my friend's car damage as I was reversing the vehicle out of a tight carpark. Dented the body work and got the bumper slightly cracked.. It’s going to cost me about $500 or more to get them repaired.

As if all that isn’t unbelievable enough, the story goes that I actually drove the car out to get a new phone to replace the one I LOST. Queued 2 hours for it only to realise that there was NO STOCK for the phone I wanted..

So essentially it was ALL for nothing.. driving the car out.. going to the shop... If I haven’t went nothing would have happened.

Then on that very night, the key to the same car slipped from my hand and dropped into a fucking drain. I had to dig it up; and the nearest toilet was miles away.

I also realised I probably have some issue with my heart that’s going to ruin my chances of getting into command school in NS. The NS medical appointment is coming soon and I don’t know whether I should declare my condition and blow my chances or not at all..

Seriously, my list will really just go on and on.

Fuck Karma. I haven’t even done anything bad lately.

And I still have work tomorrow..

I've got nothing to say

To be bummed-out

2009-12-08T23:33:00.004+08:00

maybe it is more than just a mere tap
maybe a few taps can become one big bump

ears covered

eyes shut tight

as an augur blitz goes by

you know it’s there

you just don’t really see it

only the trembling cognizance.

now there is the cold beneath your feat.

a strange serenity runs along

but as you slowly regain your senses

you find that restraining pull

driven by the silent havoc

an uneasy throb.

now shields are held

as helmets are worn

and weapons drawn

a valour held back

no ardent to shine

..only one thing besides time can help.

Summing it up

2009-12-07T21:55:00.005+08:00

uhuh. It's not like i have a choice. Maybe the people are fine but the job. oh the job and place.. I don't want it. I wouldn't even want it to appear on my resume, cause it's not even of the slightest relevance to what i intend or hope to pursue, at the very least, i think i'm sure of that.

Guess that pretty much sums up my time at my place of attachment. 3rd week, 9 more to go. I really need to pull through.. lots of things are happening around me besides work and i need time to catch my breathe.

At least one thing i know now is that i'll never get a full time desk job.

And i really hope i wouldn't be posting the same thing 5 years down the road when i really start working. That'll be major trouble =x

Tadaah I finally got my vesty.

2009-12-01T22:22:00.006+08:00

and now i can finally ~~strike off~~ what has been there -->> for like the longest of time

Life now

2009-11-30T22:02:00.006+08:00

^yup that can only be me
& how i look now..

what a weekend.

drove til 4am on Thursday, til 5 am on Friday and til 6am on Saturday. Crazy huh!

Along with something major that happened on Thursday, but due to some circumstances I cannot share here.. and just two days later on Saturday, I lost my phone in the most dramatic way possible following by my very fruitless search for it.

Apparently, I placed my phone on top of the car after I ended a call and went to throw a can of coke I was drinking. I guess I was actually that tired & careless as I returned to drive off with the phone still on the roof of the vehicle.. totally -.- I know right!? I completely forgot that it was still up there!!

Surprisingly it didn't roll off the vehicle where I took off but some distance later when I was already on the road. We actually heard a noise while we were cruising and thought it was probably a tree branch that had fallen off - at least it sounded like one. But we kinda concluded that the sound we heard was my poor phone rolling off the roof and falling onto the boot before finally hitting the ground ..& probably smashed to pumpkins after all the cars that have run over it.

I was hopeful (and probably silly) that I could still savage the SIM card from the possibly very smashed up phone – I mean my contacts are precious! All of you are! So with that, I parked by a nearby carpark where I remembered where the noise of the 'fallen branch' was heard and did a 1km hike trying to find it. Yes. I braved a kilometer march at the center divider of a high speed dual carriageway. Balancing on what ground there is - with big protruding plants & a huge drain on one side and speeding cars on the other – nearly died =\

And..... *drums roll* to no avail. I found nothing short of some leaves and litter on the road. There was certainly nothing that looked ruined or destroyed less say anything black and shiny.

It was a horrific experience.. then again I convinced myself that it was something that would have happened sooner or later anyway. I was already quite amazed; I never actually lost a phone before. not in the 19 years of my life!! Considering the 3 phones my brother has already lost at that point of his life. I think mine’s quite an achievement. Aha. Oh come on, I’m sure you’ve lost a phone or two yourself no?

but oh well, it's nowhere like an achievement. Now I lost all my contacts, some great pictures I took and have to burn a hole in my pocket to get a new phone.

FML?

Yeah.. definitely.

To end my entry:

- Sudden urge to listen to Anberlin but realised my collection of their songs are in my lappy and i'm using the desktop. bahhh too lazy to switch!

- Sometimes I still think of her. I hate that I do. But I really can’t help it. It happens.

- Work sucks. Literally staring at a damn box for 8 hours. Everyone in the office gets a damn LCD and all I get is an enormous CRT that flickers. Don't get me started on the blocked sites and me being the only intern there. Previously they had six interns. freakin' SIX. now I’m like a sad loner seating on a lonesome desk with nothing but a big fat monitor. I really need to stock up on my oreos and pringles. Gonna eat my stress and boredom away.

Ps.. please msg me ur number people!! And don’t forget to leave ur name in ur sms too or I wouldn’t know who u are! Haha. Thanks! :)(:

i'm tired...

2009-11-19T15:35:00.003+08:00

yea.. & I'm tired too

for those days that felt like a mistake

2009-11-19T12:30:00.011+08:00

two weeks ago i did something i probably shouldn't have.

and now i feel insanely stupid

like i shot myself on my own foot.

unfortunately i realised too late

I'm not sure if things will be the same again

and i am afraid. I don't know what more can i say.

maybe i had too much confidence, or simply too much held inside

but saying all that now is useless, it's beyond my control..

I guess i'm just not good when it comes to feelings.

shaking the bottle and opening it all up was a careless mistake

but it was also a genuine mistake; one i wouldn't mind making

it would have been cool if she felt the same

but the regret now is pretty obvious

i can only hope she understands that i've never done something like this before

and i cannot describe how awful i feel right now

all i'm looking for is some form of closure..

something only she can give and not one i can find

and hopefully everything will be back to normal

So if you're reading this and you even have the tiniest feeling that you need to tell me something, please talk to me.. Because I can't. I don't want to exasperate the matter more so than I already did

I know 'it' might sound crazy, melodramatic and maybe even scary. But it's really what i felt..
So i'm not going to apologize anymore. I can only hope you understand

sylia plath

2009-11-17T15:09:00.001+08:00

All ready for Work

2009-11-09T00:26:00.007+08:00

This is what I'd wear if I had to dress formally. Ok, maybe not the last one; unless there’s such a thing as a 'dress down day' at office. that’d be cool x)

Sadly though I’m not getting any one of them.. cause I’ve already done my formal wear shopping! haha. Fair enough, the shirts I got might not exactly be like the ‘oh-so-sexy’ ones above but they're awesome too :)

Got them at a Bang at the Great Robinsons Sale at the Expo. the two shirts i got are both Hardy Amies contemporary fit - so at the very least I know I'd look young in them. haha!

I also found the idea pair of business shoes I always had in mind while I was there!! :DDD

I’ve been looking for one with a nice silver bucket for a really long time.. and seemingly the only ones I managed to find are like wayyy beyond my league.. read: $600-$3000++ seriously, I must have expensive taste or something. aha

so I'm plenty satisfied when I finally found one that's like what, 1/9999 that price? LOL

see, yhihhuua, you never know what you can find in a BIG BIG SALES like the Great Robinsons Sale. They’re not just for housewives kay!! Teehee. but ok fine, I have to admit I was reluctant when mom first suggested a trip down X)

So I’ve got my shirts and shoes. Only thing left are some nice fitting pants and maybe a tie or two? Time really flies.. Attachment is just around the corner.

I still got no clue as to where I’ll be attached to though. but hmmm.. who cares! better be ready than not right! haha. I can only hope I don’t end up with one whose office is miles away from home.. that would really be shitty =/

The ~~awesome~~ perfect alternative.

Dr. Martens Urban Darren Strapped Shoe

what I've been up to all day

2009-11-07T18:44:00.008+08:00

laze in bed. youtube. tumblr. eat. laze in bed again. tumblr. eat. youtube

I want to think that I can don't care anymore

Rubik Life

2009-11-06T15:58:00.011+08:00

wouldn't it be nice if all the sides were of the same colour?

How I’d look like now?

Try picturing yourself drawing a smiley. Put two dots at the top for the eyes, then draw the longest straight-line below it. That’s how I’d look like.

here’s some help:

Waking up every morning has become a major pain in the ass lately. It usual takes two rings of the alarm clock to get me up. Now it takes 2 rings from two different alarm clocks plus 3 snooze of 10mins intervals on one of them together with my mum’s nagging just to get up.

I don’t want to start blaming the weather. I love the weather. This is the only time of the year where you can wake up every morning and lie to yourself that you’re in someplace else but sunny Singapore. It’s actually more of the shit that I’m waking up to every morning that’s making me laze. Am I the only one? I noticed it’s always about the time you need to wake up that you really start to enjoy your sleep.

.. I’m currently wearing a shirt that says RUBIK LIFE at the front.

'How very true' I thought to myself as I waited for my bus. It’s a nice shirt, but I like it more now that I can relate to it.

You see, if you really think of it, every colour of the rubik cube can represent a problem you're currently facing in your life. Six sides, six issues. I’m not sure I have that many.. but right now I’m pretty sure I’ve at least three to four at hand. And I spend every day of the week struggling to find a solution, shuffling the individual pieces just trying to solve the puzzle. But the harder you try, the faster you get exhausted (mostly of the soul), and in real life, you break down, you find it harder to sleep, you get headaches and pretty much everything else that swings with it. And soon you'll find that your life’s really like a rubik cube. You’re just constantly & continuously trying and trying til you get things right..

Doesn’t that sound just sad?

Maybe that’s why I drag myself up every morning. Because the night’s sleep would have been a break from the cube and waking up like going back from where you left off..

..not exactly my best week

Vampire Weekend

2009-11-06T15:58:00.010+08:00

performing live in the streets of Paris :D

the november feeling

2009-11-03T19:38:00.003+08:00

It's been raining. Everyone seems to be talking about it on twitter, facebook and whatever medium there is to share. Most of them seem to like it, i do too, and I'd like to call it the november feeling.. where the weather starts to change to a sweet winter-like cool, as december comes and as Christmas draws closer. Of course i believe we all have the occasional complain of 'oh why must it rain today! we are going to the beach!' or something along that line, but then again we all know that deep inside we love the rain. Cozying up at home and just staring out the window, well, at least i know I do. haha. I also especially like those drizzle that are so little you don't really feel a thing even when it touches your skin..

the start of november is also about the time i get all excited about Christmas - my favourite holiday! Did i mention that i always wanted a Christmas tree? Sadly dad's too traditional and chinesy to be up for it. In fact, my family never really celebrates Christmas. Chinese New Year is the ‘in thing’ for my folks. haha i think i'm more of a thanksgiving guy?

That said though, i really don't remember what i did last year! Too many things happened in the whole of this year for me to recall even a thing about last Christmas.. i can only hope this year's would be special, magical, or whatever they call it.. Cos i'm telling you i'm really looking forward to it. and then there's new year too :)

ahh.. the november feeling.. don't you just love it ?

Ps. oh, not forgetting all the end of year SALES that's going to start rolling in ;)

I really like songs with meaningful lyrics

Twins

2009-10-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

ahahaha. Cute. ^^

And she said it.

2009-10-22T23:53:00.006+08:00

"There's nothing interesting about looking perfect"

- Emma Watson

Men are harmless creatures

2009-10-21T00:48:00.006+08:00

Kay I’ve got two stories today. The first one cannot be explained even by Murphy’s Law. While the second is about how paranoid some women can be

Ok the first one is titled OMFGAWDISH. I waited 20 freakin' mins for my bus this morning! Ended up late for school and I had not one but TWO lecturers questioning about my absence :/ now I know you’re going to go 'WHUUT?! only 20 mins?!' But NOOO. You’re wrong. You see, there are 9 buses at my usual bus stop. 3 takes me to the interchange which is where I go every morning. 3 out of 9 means of every 3 buses that arrives there’s a 1 in 3 chance of it being a bus which I could take. But on this strange strange morning, NEITHER of all the 99999 and 99 buses that arrived ARE ONE!!

To my shock and horror many of the buses came by at least twice, some even came thrice!! Not to mention how hot and dusty it was. Mind you, the bus stop is along a 12 lane expressway. I swear I could kill at the HEAT of the moment. The people around me were just lucky I had my strawberry bun and music to keep me distracted ..

The second incident happened on the train while I was making my way home. This one’s slightly more interesting..

So there was this girl, she was pretty hawt, I fell for her, and asked her for her number. It was amazing. HAHAHA nahh I was just making fun of you. no but really, there was this girl, she was ok. So naturally I stole some glances over the course of my journey. I mean come on, I’m a guy, and practically every other guy in the cabin was. But that’s not the point, the thing is she probably knew. Then my stop at Toa Payoh eventually came, apparently it was her stop too. She got off first so I ended up not far behind her. Following the crowd like everyone else, we hopped on the escalator. That’s when she turned back and what I saw next was a face that literally screamed "OMG! A FREAKING STALKER! :OOO"

-.- I was like “OH COME ON!! GIVE ME A BREAK!” Sad for her and more unfortunate for me, the escalator was packed, so no quick escape for neither of us.. but as soon as we were on leveled ground, I hasten by pace and got ahead of her; coolly trying my best to give off a “OH PLEASE LADY, I’M NO STALKER, AND YOU AIN’T THAT GREAT EITHER SO PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF SOME PITY. AND ONE MORE THING, YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT STAYS IN TOA PAYOH UH.”

So ya. Moral of the story is, if you’re hawt. Please expect guys to look at you. That’s how the world works. I’m sorry to say but if you’re blessed with a strikingly good body or a gorgeous face, that’s your curse. That said, it doesn’t mean every one of us who does look at you is a lowly immodest lady eating stalker. So if you going to be paranoiac, wear a mask or make yourself ugly. Don’t complain or give people weird stares.. you’re simply wasting your attractiveness away.

And finally, for the dear lady I saw earlier today, well, if I recalled, u were stealing glances at me too. So does that make you a stalker too? LMAO

my dear readers. I’m writing this because this isn’t the first time I had an experience like this. I also believe I’m writing on behalf of the thousands of innocent guys out there who have shared the same traumatic experience of being the bad guy in a situation gone wrong.

Thank you for your time.

I know you’re there

2009-10-19T23:47:00.016+08:00

I decided to write this little something 'for' Tom Hanson of 500 days of summer. Because Summer's a bitch, and life's full of ditch. Trust me, we all seen the fair share of their uglier side. This is also for the people who have given all they have with burning ardor but never quite find themselves being reciprocated by the seemingly greater other..

I know you’re there
It’s only a matter of when and where
They say it’s unpredictable
and we're in for surprises
It's true.
Don’t we all find the strange connection we so often look for at the most unexpected places?
Why do people drown in despair when it should be a delight?
to look forward to each day with a tinge of excitement knowing today might be the day
Sweet curiosities
Curtsy introductions
all the right ingredients
will it be by the bistro at the end of town?
the junction down busy avenue
maybe the railway exit
or on the lovely red bus?
Petite flowers do pop by
It’s not fate, not silly romantics
only a collection of coincidence falling into place
It’s a peppy phenomenon
where new energies are found in an instant
Another day, a new possibility
You’re there. We’re there
We just haven’t met yet :)
Because I believe Love can happen everywhere. Do you?

Me & my curls

2009-10-14T00:14:00.005+08:00

maybe i should be more like Joseph Gordon Levitt. haha! no don't worry it's nothing about 500 days of summer. Though i must say i'm dying to watch it.. the movie's tagline is totally asking that i watch it. but nahh this entry is actually about Joseph and his natural curl! Just look at it! *points points*

I have a goddamn natural curl too! and trust me i hate it! i've been rebonding my front over and over again. But i got tired of it this time round so i decided to give curl another chance. HAHA. I mean hey! after all, the following stars below share the same fate as i do, Natural Born Curly Hair since birth! If you can't do anything about it why not make the best out of it right?! x]

first and foremost, all the hype and fever atm, Mr. Joseph Gordon Levitt

every girl's dream, Mr. Robert Pattinson

The star of music and lyrics, Hugh Grant

everyone's favourite, Orlando Bloom

The never quite yesterday Johnny Depp

but even after all that's been said, there's still the argument that the hair texture of the dear westerners are completely different from us Asians. And it's true. demoralizing much huh. But then i learned that that isn't the real problem. the real problem is quite simply, acceptance. And all about that, i know pretty well that the styles for men with curly hair are near endless. Just look at Jun Matsumoto and all his different (and often bizarre) styles. But the difference is that he residues in Japan. In Singapore even the slightly out of the norm styles gets disapproval and stares that screams ' look at that weirdo!'

Basically the point i'm trying to make is, it really depends on the individual; how daring you are, how far you'd go. Whether you put your style before the people's judgment. To be honest, i have not reach that stage but I want to and intend to. One day i want to head out the door with a messy out of the bed look, insane waves and basically not give a damn about what others say. Til then i guess. Til then! HAHA :)

awesome car ads

2009-10-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

Haha most of you should know that i'm quite the petrol head, here are some of the best car ads i've seen which i'd like to share!

^ My Favourite ad of all time!!

Aha! The Mini-killer of the 80s! Who could possibly forget about the classical Peugeot 205!

I like the way this is choreographed and the music too!

Really different from the usual car ads we're used to seeing

This one's not bad either

you're my fascination

2009-10-13T01:29:00.012+08:00

you're my fascination, always have, always will be

and thats the problem, its scary

am I nearing a wall or just gaining pace

you're the hardest

I am clueless to what will take you away

and thats the problem, its scary

Tries are weary

letting go a tormenting perspective

you're not all the answer

but I am the question..

Ok i know i sound a little crazy but I'm really just writing :)

AWW.

2009-10-12T01:40:00.001+08:00

My Bittersweet Weekend

2009-10-06T00:41:00.004+08:00

Ok this weekend is Massive.

For a start, i drove more than 600km, that’s more than the total distance from the extreme North to South of Malaysia! Drove up practically every single hill you can find in Singapore just for the fun of it. Travelled all the major expressways at least twice; went to all four corners of Singapore, pass Bugis Street singing our lungs out with windows winded down and radio blasting, pass pine trees boulevards with winds gushing over our heads. Whizzed through traffic, dashed through rain and that’s all but just the beginning..

Met C on Friday. I wouldn’t say I got lost but I certainly lost my face. Haha! The first incident is both hilarious and embarrassing. We were actually travelling on the right direction on CTE when C said, ‘erm, I think we’re on the wrong side right?’ without a thought I just when, ‘oh ya’ and did a u-turn at the nearest exit. Must be the power of 4 hours of sleep, both me and her.

Second mistake was made over at the end of Dunearn Rd. Needed to head towards Farrer from Adams Rd. But the road sign over at the T-Junction reads only ‘Adams’; apparently not exactly the most helpful road sign you’d expect. Didn’t know left or right was the one towards Farrer so I took a chance and headed left. Ended up turning to the wrong side and on to Lornie road we went! Had to make another U-turn AGAIN. Lol but no excuses for this, I’m simply not familiar enough with the local roads just yet!

Last one’s completely not my fault though. The once familiar Queensway has been completely reconstructed and the 4 lane road towards IKEA became a bleedy one lane filter road called ‘Queens Close’. WTPHAT! the best part is that it doesn’t even appear on the map! Ended up doing an illegal right turn to savage the situation. very very bad. haha!

I think I must have bore the crap out of C. Could see her playing away on her very new 32gb iTouch =|

Thankfully the final trip to Swiss Club was smooth and flawless.

Actually this weekend has been more bad than good. I finally bought a mirror from IKEA, and with some effort and plenty fun managed to fit it into the car. Got it back home safely but it got smashed in the end - at HOME. So essentially all the time, money and effort were for nothing. UGH.

Then there’s the accident. This stupid guy on his motorbike smacked right onto the car when I was reversing to park. All I can say is f'ing blind, f'ing suicidal and f'ing stupid. Completely ruined our supper.

Then again, the accicident made the night and weekend more unforgettable than what it could have been. Not forgetting the sun, cycling, plane spotting, camwhoring (actually only gui) and endless driving pleasure.

This weekend has indeed been the most scary, crazy & memorable weekend I think I’ll ever have for many years to come.

The sacrifices have been worth it. The issues ahead silenced simply by the joys attained..

Unknown car - Just something cute that caught
my attention while i was driving. So SNAP! x)

WATTA HAZY DAY

2009-09-30T17:17:00.003+08:00

Oh look! Clear blue sky :d
Walked out of the erms room today and Woah. quite nearly choking just trying to breath normally. well, I do remember reading on the papers that the haze's here to stay but who would have thought it'd be this bad :/

The air smells like burnt bbq and it's so smokey, even buildings dissappear & fade away in shade. No wonder everyone around me seems to be falling sick and i think i'm going next! =(

Can't believe i'm going to meet good'O kenneth later in this bleedy haze. and i can't say no because i was the one who asked to meet. aha. The only change in my plan shall be that i'll be making a dash to the the nearest mall as soon as i'm out of the train station. no wayy i'm going to stay outdoors. not today.

For those who are on the verge of falling ill, drink plenty of water!
For those who have recovered, take care!
as for myself.. good luck :S

-i'm not sure if i'm done yet. I'm not sure if i'm ready for change or for anything at all..

As Life Picks Up

2009-09-26T02:06:00.015+08:00

I had an impromptu meet up with Lucien today. It wasn’t much of a catching up - as we thought - because I realised half the time I was just grumbling about my stories and asking for his opinion & advice. it’s funny cause i'm usually the one doing the deed. Aha. I guess tonight is what the Americans would call a heart-to-heart talk but nah.. that’s way too girly

I must say though, he has some pretty interesting views on certain issues.. well, i shalln't share too much details..

Our night ended with a conclusion that our old carefree days were so much better off. In my own words, “Our age has certainly caught up with us.. life's picking up, and fast; one to slow and you're find yourself tumbling.”

I guess gone are the days where we can just mess around with our lives and then lay back without a single worry. And I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse as we grow older.. Things will get more serious, some become complicated and others confusing; and more so than not, we’ll find ourselves lost. *Shrugs* I’m just glad there are such beings called friends when that time comes.

Okay. I think I shall stop here! Haha thanks for hearing me out today Lucien. Awesome car btw. i shall dub it the red chick magnet from this day forth ;D

Enervated

2009-09-23T23:18:00.006+08:00

OK I think this one's not bad. It shouldn't be hard to understand, yes yes its about love again. So yipee-ya i guess? Its not exactly about something sad nor happy. But if i had to choose i'd say its a sad one with a touch of optimism, at least thats what i hoped and therefore how i wrote. Was actually done up last night but i only had time to edit it over supper today. Haha. Well, i hope u guys like it! :)
I am a torpid hot air balloon
neither rising
nor descending
a quiescent standstill
at peace and in envy
A beautiful sight surrounds me
like a thousand inverted rainbow dewdrops
painted in hight blue skies
some hang above me
others rise fast from beneath
where i stay afloat,
often lost
I'm not exhausted
only you short to keep me going
so if you're still there
light up the heat and send me soaring
Willy-nilly eventuation
I shall stay unruffled & in place
wind, rain or shine
until another lovely balloon pops by
But until then
l’ll be pinned beneath heaven's garden
as a great big hot air balloon
waiting to be moved by you.

Its not worth it

2009-09-20T21:48:00.022+08:00

Sometimes, when trying to prove only does more harm than good. when mentions shoot back. & when there's nothing that can possibly be changed, you leave & let there be it.

It ain’t judgment
It ain't about respect
no no
way no
maybe prepossessive bigotry
a prelude to injustice
there are certainly no irregulations
just impressions
forged by the seat on the other side
sometimes we simply don’t learn to understand
but choose to let our emotions run free
and sometimes I prefer to just whist away
they say I’m naive
no no
way no
whoever said turning one’s back was about yourself?
has it ever incurred that sometimes people walk away to protect the ones they love?
even if they're the very ones that have chosen to judge
so I’m slithering back to my cavern but once more doing nothing but what I’m told
cause I know sometimes even if people don’t
you have.

Peanut Butter Jam Late

2009-09-18T15:51:00.006+08:00

Here’s an exchange of sms with ben earlier today:

Ben: Since when u started waking up more than an hr b4 u r suppose to be at sch?

Me: Well, since being late became a big huha

Yep. That’s right. I can’t even be late for a minute now.. everything goes recorded and I’ll be evaluated based on that & obviously being late is not gonna help me get good grades :\

I need good grades.

But it feels weird arriving at school early; even if it’s just a minute or two.

I’ve been late pretty much all my life. And those occasional times when I did arrive early, wasn’t purposeful. If i must say, its definitely the train or bus which went faster; anything but me. Tyring to change feels kinda like you’ve been using a spoon to spread jam over your bread for years now and all of a sudden you’re told to do the right thing and use a proper spreader. It’s nothing really. Just that you’re so used the old you.

Like apples to pears.

punk turned geek.

In any case I never eat breakfast.

Branch however is in my dictionary ;)

i wanna do new stuff

2009-09-16T23:29:00.005+08:00

i decided that i shall pick up skate boarding once i'm done with breaking (definitely still sometime before that) and i need to get the right connections!!! So please tell me if you know anyone who skates kay!! aha.

& i suppose i mentioned this before, i really want to take ballroom dance. waltz, salsa, whatever along that line.. unfortunately the lessons are terribly expensive, i don't have the time and i want to learn it together with a gal. & preferably my own gal at that. Ahaha. I mean c'mon its definitely better than dancing with some random aunty from the dance class right. But oh well, looks like i have neither.. so i shall suck the entire idea up and wait.. wait for some ka ching to start flowing in before deciding on anything. haha

winding back

2009-09-13T02:25:00.009+08:00

Lol. My brother brought 3 guy friends back. Told me they’ll be staying over and that one more’s coming.

wow. I wonder how all of them are going to squeeze and fit into the tini room of his. I mean geez our rooms are like the smallest ever I swear.

Oh and guess what, that makes 7 guys under the roof and just one lady – my mom. Haha.

Slight bit off topic, but still about stayovers and our rooms, I just realised I’ve never actually let any girl into my room before.

and since I’m already at it, I shall make it a point that the gal who eventually does is someone special to me. Kinda like Nishikado in the show Hana Yori Dango and his whole bike theory.

Basically, he lets and doesn’t mind his bros (or guy friends) seating at the back seat of his bike but never ever a girl & only that one special gal he’ll eventually find one day will get to sit and ride the journey with him..

I like that. Its cool. haha.

ways, I think I managed to snap myself out of some stuff I had in my mind for some time now. I know it might probably still linger back down in my mind somewhere but I can only hope it’ll eventually fade away into abyss. Well, lets just say, there's one too many poems written so it’s time to wind back into perspective.

adrenaline.

2009-09-10T11:18:00.007+08:00

Muhaha. Items arrived safely from the states. And guess what? They are in the right size and correct colour! LOL. How rare that my online purchase come as they should :x

and I’m impressed! Only took them 9 days from payment to delivery! :D I was expecting the usual 2 weeks or more. haha

Shall upload some pics later.

Anyway EMRS is pretty awesome. I’m under the fashion team so I get to ‘visit’ places like bugis, far east and the such to source for suppliers. But we all know it’s more than just that. Haha!

Moving on, I have a confession to make: I LOVE DRIVING. Yeap Yep. ABSOLUTELY DO. So I don’t suppose I’ll ever get bored of it anytime soon; so long as it’s a manual. Like seriously. I think I’ll die if automatics took over the world. There will be no more clutch to trash, no more throwing of the shifter, bahhh basically there’ll be no more fun!

I'm not sure how I can explain this to the lazy people out there who swear by automatics.

For starters, I can't deny the fact that automatics these days are getting more efficient and responsive to throttle inputs as compared to a decade ago. One such example would be the Porsche 911 with its automatic PDK sequential gearbox; which have proven to be faster than its manual counter-part time over time. I mean come on, how can we shift a traditional gear stick faster than pair of shifters backed by geeky technologies

but even so, people (and even some automobile enthusiast) are missing the point. It’s the thrill of shifting the stick at your will, the feedback you get and the entire motion of it. One you can never get on an automatic. Playing paddle shifters might look cool (and yea, its fast) but I’d rather be playing some console game if that was the case. Uhuh.

Then again that’s just me :]

simply hilarious.

2009-09-08T00:45:00.002+08:00

Cops are weird.

2009-09-06T04:30:00.016+08:00

when out for supper with ZJ and my brother. we left the placed happily with satisfied tummys only to be ruined by a cop we encountered later at a road block.

The retarded cop was directing me as i preapared to stop for the road block. His actions clearly seems to suggest that he wanted me to stop where the side window will be next to him but apparently he wanted me to stop the car right in front of him instead. For that, he slammed on the windscreen of the car. Like WTF? dudeee how the F am i suppose to know where or how you wanted me to stop?! You can't even give a simple or proper hand signal! and he even dared to slam on the windscreen! what an attitude for a cop!!

We're guessing that he was afraid that i might run him over.. but it doesn't make any sense because i was the one that wanted to stop by the side of him! like errr? in any case, i really should have just ran right though him.

so after we pulled over and got out of the car, he theantened to release a warning to us. I was seriously wondering what will the warning letter will say. lol

jokes aside, we couldn't do anything when they wanted to record our identity & details down on paper, like they always say, sometimes you just have to appease to these people. You can't really win. mess with them and they'll just fuck you up; probably even take your license away. So we just gave in and pretended to stay nice and cool..

just because they don the blue uniform doesn't mean they can empower people with their superfluous authority; otherwise it's simply abusing. What i can't believe though, is that we're actually paying thier salaries.. I mean, in the end, we're actually paying taxes so that these retards can screw our lives up. how ironic.

>:(

and finally to end this entry, here's what my bro & ZJ have to say:

Bro: i feel so bu gan xing. its the way singapore and law is i guess.
no one really knows when they will cross the unmarked boundaries
no one really dares to stand out to say anything
all i know is e law is being enforced by really F up ppl now

ZJ: First it was army, then it was SMRT and now its the police. Talking about stupidity and retarded-ness... Realise it's all govt. orgs? roflmao. And not to mention, I have something against old, guailan losers, esp. ones that play hierarchy. 3 nails into the coffin, i hope the last one seals them up dead for good.

of cos i'm not saying all cops bad. I'm pretty sure there are some decent ones out there. you know.. like what they call the good cops, bad cops. haha.

circumstances of taking

2009-09-01T02:01:00.009+08:00

good enough?

well, no one ever is.

the real question is, what good is it in for me?

myriad of puzzles shall be continued

there shall be no last laugh

no winners or losers.

only who takes the most of the little games we all play

at least i know i'm taking the jump. Are you?

BLAH

2009-08-30T23:43:00.009+08:00

i really need to control my spendings. like seriously. i need professional help.

recently got a hoodie along with some other shirts off ebay but I couldn't control myself and bought another hoodie from pull & bear today; the one from ebay hasn't even arrived!! +,+

anyway i saw this nice navy Vespa in the carpark today. i'm guessing its a male driver. I mean its navy man. it has to be! really awesome stuff. i should really stop procastinating and kick my butt out to get my bike licsense.

I love Vespas. but because i'm a petrol head, pedal heavy kinda guy, maybe i'll be better off on a cruiser instead. and eh, no thanks i hate sports bike. I admit they're fast and cool but there's no expression to them besides speed, speed and more speed, cruisers are way cooler. Think Ryan Reynolds and Ewan Mcgregor. Or perhaps the black leather jacket, the deep sounding motor (instead of the ripping roar you get from sports bikes), the chrome parts and silver bits, that long exhaust pipe and the exposed motor. oh yea.. now we're talking.

anyway i ate hell a lot today. like seriously hell a lot. both lunch and dinner. Bloated much. still am :

and i swear the government/ns is retarded. They made the pre-enlistment process such a pain in a arse. The instructions are completely useless. The FAQ is utter rubbish and the website is just plain confusing. I didn't know serving NS could be this dreadful this early :o

oh and TEP starts tmr. I'm hyped about meeting new people but i'm not really excited on the whole. the '9-5 everyday' thing is just turning me off. And they say u must never be late for TEP. I'm always late. So i should be pretty screwed. oh well, we'll see how it goes..

Vespa. Since 1946

pissed!

2009-08-30T00:24:00.007+08:00

Goodbye.

Right now I’m so pissed I don’t know what do but write. So I’m going to rant now. You don’t have to read it.

I just lost a bike. The 2nd one in just under a year. Both bikes(bicycle) cost me about half a K each!! Seriously fuck this. I lost it in the exact same location and manner as the first. All I did was have it parked for a few hours. I’ve lost faith in Singapore; more so then ever. Ok maybe it’s just Toa Payoh. I really can’t comment about the other districts. But wtf. People elsewhere in the world can have their bicycles UNLOCKED, have it there for HOURS maybe even DAYS and no one will even take it. Talk about MORALS! Singaporeans still have heaps to catch up on. 1st world country? uh. far and beyond as I see it.

I made it a point to park the bike at a designated bicycle parking bay at Toa Payoh Hub (mrt station). Tons off people walk pass it day in day out. It was as BUSY and CROWDED as it could be so i really thought it’ll be safe and near impossible to be stolen..

That’s not even half the story.

I when out and all today, had a great day. But I was really tired and I completely forgotten that I cycled to the mrt earlier. Only realised when I stepped into my house that I’ve left my friend’s bike at the hdb hub(yes made worse by the fact that this 2nd bike I lost is actually my friend’s). Without even thinking, I dropped my stuff, grab the keys and dashed out. Knowing that I’ve lost a bike once before, I ran, I could swear I ran as fast as I could . I bolted across the junctions, even ignored traffic. And when I can finally stop to catch my breath, I didn’t; instead I shot one out, the word FUCK. The bike was GONE. I was paranoid; I kept walking off and then back, in cycles and even combed the area. I must have been really stupid. Once it’s gone it’s gone. Obviously it wouldn’t magically appear. I was speechless and I didn’t know how to tell my friend. And it wasn't just my friend. It was the bike. It really meant something to me. I’ll tell you why.

Back in 2007 I got into a Car accident while cycling. It was the very bike that I lost today that I was cycling on that fateful day. You might think, isn’t that my friend’s bike. Well on paper yea but technically there’s more to that

The bike was originally mine. I got it back in 06. I rode it well, rode it hard, you wouldn’t imagine the total distance I clocked in it. It took in mud, took in sand, took in everything I got to give. It had my sweat and even my blood strained on it. The bike was badly sacred (had many scratches) after the accident but that made me love it even more. This might sound weird, but I love it. I frigging love it. I mean, we did went through so much together! Unfortunately, after the accident my dad wanted me to get rid of the bike. Of course I couldn’t. But to please him I sold it to my friend - so at least it vanishes from his sight.

However, if you know me, I’m as rebellious as you would imagine. No in a hell way I’m retiring. One accident wasn’t going to stop me from cycling. So I got a second bike secretly (and almost immediately), spent about $500 on it as well. Not even half a year in, I lost it. That was the first bike I lost. I can even vividly remember when.. it was during the Ocktober fest period last year.

And today I lost a 2nd bike. My original Avalanche GT 2. This is driving me fucking insane. My friend recently told me that he’s getting a new bike and that he was going to return me my beloved bike. We would have been reunited.. and now it’s now gone thanks to the thief. The bloody thief. Well, whoever you are, fuck you. OH, & seriously, that bike is cursed. Only I can ride it. Break the lock, it’ll break your bones.. trust me, it’ll lead you straight into a car accident. Maybe I’ll get to see it. And dear oh dear I’ll just coolly claim back what’s rightfully mine and leave you dying on the road. You read me thieve.. Just you wait. Just you wait..

oh Alpha-Bits. how much i miss you

2009-08-28T03:31:00.013+08:00

Post Alpha-Bits. One of my childhood favourites. the cereal that i would always beg my mom for in the supermarket when i was little. where she'll always go 'this again?!'

I remembered how i use to eat up all the non-marshmallow bits and leaving the marshmallows for last. I also remembered taking them out of the bowl to form words and sentences. or how my elder brother disliked the marshmallow bits and wouldn't mind giving me his - which i never quite understood why

and then one day, it vanished off the shelves of every supermart. not even the hypermarts like carrefour have them. gone. just like that.

that was years ago. but today i've got breaking news because i found an alternative! Lucky Charms! I don't do the groceries so i've no idea whether this cereal's something new or has always been around. But it definately caught my attention. The good news is it taste 99% identical to my beloved Alpha-Bits, the bad, well, it never felt anywhere near the same as munching on good-O Alpha-Bits.. i guess i miss the seeing those alphabits. chewing on weird symbols & hourglasses just didn't felt right or as satisfying. Haha. but oh well, for those Alpha-Bit fans out there, THERE U HAVE IT, an ALTERNATIVE to your old time favourite! cheers. x)

oh and there's this! Oreo Chocolate Cake. HEY. i know what u're looking at.. you're looking at the wrong thing. look at whats on the bowl and not whats behind! haha. let me finish talking about the cake first, i'll talk about whats behind later! Ya. so anyway, mom got it from some unknown cake shop. but it doesn't matter cos it taste awesomee. i had 3 slices at one go. actually, more like 6 by the way and proportion i cut. haha! x] Isn't it fascinating how the stomach groans for food at 3am in the morning.. it must think its time for breakfast already.. aha. I'm so going to get fat

Alright. now about the background (the moment all of u have been waiting for right.) Well, sorry to dissapoint, i wasn't watching a porn flick over supper (who on earth does that anyway? lol). I was watching the movie 'what women want'. It's one of Mel Gibson's most brillant movies in his younger days

despite some minor flaws, the movie was brillant and its made even better when u're watching it in the comfort of your bedroom, shielded away from blustering rain and the cold night sky outside..

RETRO FASHION

2009-08-27T01:48:00.002+08:00

quotes part I

2009-08-26T11:51:00.006+08:00

"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself and not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

- Meredith Grey

off kinahhhh's blog. Thanks for letting me share it here kinah! :)

"Grant me the strength to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

- Khadgar, WoW

this one's off Zinc's wall on facebook. HAHA. i thought this quote was from the bible but Zinc told me it's from WoW, i was like wow. haha. cool game man! xD

Kids

2009-08-22T01:06:00.007+08:00

I’m munching on an apple now and I hear squishy squashy noises in my left ear. like what the hell. lol. I think there’s some left over soap in it. probably didn’t rinse well in my bath. Haha.

Aye. was studying over at KFC today. There was this cute kid. Haha actually two. The first one really looked like a malay but he’s parents were both Chinese! Haha. He kept staring at me. I don’t know what’s there so interesting to look at. Except maybe for that stupid fly that kept buzzing around me the whole time I was there. But it wasn’t then! Haha! He was really adorable. He had this ‘huh’ look on his face. why is it that wherever I go there’s always something to distract me from my study?! Haha. Anyway, when the kid and his parents were about to head off he came in front of me and literally stood there. So I smiled and waved bye at him. He looked so happy when I did and waved back before running to his parents. Haha! Maybe he thought i was some statue that couldn't move. oh well, at least there wasn't anymore huh face :)

That was the first kiddo. Next one sat across the table to where I was. I think he might be hyper active; his mum obviously failed to contain him. haha. But he was pretty cute too. He stood on the chair, faced where I was and started singing never say never by the fray. he was like only 3? or 4 tops? though he could only sing the line ‘don’t let me go, don’t let me go’ haha! but it’s still pretty impressive considering that he could barely pronounce let alone sing them out loud. aha

on a separate incident, i was reading an A4 sized brochure while walking just the other day when a wind blew by, swiping it straight off my hands like a weightless tissue paper. it flew and landed smack on the face of this cute eurasian baby girl who was in a pram not far away. not lying. Haha!

i don't know if i was lucky but her mum happened to be looking away when it happened. it was hilarious. i have a snap shot of the baby girl's expression in my head as i removed the brochure off her face. it was priceless. haha. and her elder brother standing beside the pram couldn't stop laughing. I'm just glad that she didn't start crying! or i'll be in trouble. haha!

I don’t want to sound like a pedophile but haha I think I might like kids. Though I think having your own is another story. don't get me started on their high pitch cries. lol. Anyway, getting stared by kids isn’t something new to me. I get plenty of those on trains and buses, and somehow i always have them knocking into my legs. haha. They just go running about in shopping malls then BUMP, Knock into this really tall thing. Look up slowwwly, with that really blur look on their faces & little birds twirling in circles over their head. and their running parents (to catch up with their little kidos) will come and apologise. lol. funnies. I shall call them the kamikaze kids. Haha.

ahhh.. family and all.., how nice! that’s really life man

And now back to studying. argh. FML

mr. octopus

2009-08-21T02:39:00.003+08:00

I feel like mr. octopus here. like i've let out a stinky puff. made a mistake. something i shouldn't have done & can now never reverse. i'm in oops and ahh.

HO.

2009-08-19T00:53:00.008+08:00

Robert Downey Jr.
Hollywood's comeback kid
Watch out for him in the upcoming Sherlock Holmes ;)
and ahh. i really want to steal everything he's wearing here!
Don't you just love how that white suit goes with the striped shirt?!

and i also want to steal this pair of spectacles.
i wanna try squares for a change

and this god darn bag.
british flag embroideries are always an appeal to me because i'm nuts about
well, Britain.
and it's not just about the londoners or how they dress.it's the great winding roads, the open space, the EU pass, the slang and the funny people
oh, i almost forgot. there's emma watson there too. hahahit me.