| February 6, 2011
Shortcuts to quick remedy anyone? I wish i could put all my thoughts in a jar, I think too much. Thinking too much causes me to over think and analyze things I don't want to deal with. It gets too much for me to handle and I panic. I shut myself down and go to war with myself, I'm tired and I'm sick of being tired. I want to be at peace with myself for once. To be happy and think about things that doesn't send me over the edge. now the question is, how? February 3, 2011
Every face tells a unique story. A journey of trials and triumphs, joy and sadness, good and bad times, which has molded us to who we are right now. And behind the eyes of every human being, lies a desire to do something great with our lives. The core of this desire is this - to love and be loved. What we really want is love and acceptance. February 1, 2011
 No but really. Do you know how it feels for a pretty bird to want to flock its feathers and fly but suffers from a bad or broken wing? How a dolphin wishes to cut the waves and join his parade of friends but cannot because of an unfortunate injury? How is it like, of having possibly all but suddenly none? It’s not easy to comprehend. Not until I was recently put in that challenged position. When I was posted out of BMT to be Recce Trooper, I was motivated; despite complains on the surface - I told plenty how difficult life as a Recce would be and how unlucky I was to be chosen as one. Yet, secretly inside I was actually very much looking forward to my new unit life, to be able to aim and achieve something, to don the coveted jungle hat as a qualified Recce Trooper was something everyone would to be proud of, plus a month off to learn to ride a bike (and fully paid for!) are some of the privileges a Recce Trooper gets. I was skeptical but I kept my feelings reserved, because I knew there was something to look forward to.. But now whatever motivation I once had, Vanished. All in an instant. Just an hour at the hospital and seemingly all the effort and heart I’ve put in the first couple of weeks in my unit seems to have all gone to waste. The doctor told me I had a lower back problem, although the condition is mild and in the initial stages, it potentially will continue to become bad if I continued to abuse my back.. I was recommended to not take any more heavy load (something that's very much a part of a Recce Trooper's life) and down my pes status which would also means I will be out of my course. Devastation checked, reality two. I will now no longer don that jungle hat, I will not get to get to learn how to ride a bike - something I always wanted and looked forward to.. I will also no longer get a month off and spend time with my loved ones.. But was I to do?? When I forced to make a decision, I simply couldn't betray my body. I had to be honest. Nation Service is after all, just a service. I have a life ahead of me.. and I'm not about to give my back for a hat, some freedom or imposed glory. So from next week, I would no longer be part of the main body of combat fit Recce Troopers. My life will change dramatically. It will be tough not in training but one of the mind. And I urgently need to find a new motivation, a drive, not even a goal, just some meaning, something that gives purpose to what I'll be doing. I've lost, but I haven't lose. I'm demoralised but I’m not sad. And that's how it'll be. National service is something I've to put through no matter what and the earlier I accept the truth, the better. Change is a constant in everyone's life. Every difficult scenario faced is an opportunity to grow wiser and to become stronger for the next time you're put in the same star-crossed situation. Even circumstances that seem most devastating carry within them the seed of a new blessing. I must believe in that. And I must believe no matter what I do, there is something to learn from, however droning the task is. That is my plan, and that's exactly how I intend to live by my next 500 odd days in service.. *with a reassuring grin* Ummhmph. |
The Secret.  
The Need.
Graduate with a smile
The nice soft hair I once had Prosumer Camera (maybe) A good inspiration A long vacation A Car, a Bike and a Puppy Everlasting love? Whatever else that makes me happy My Escapes. Aaron Ng Aloysius Ong Christine Christopher Chia Cynthia Neo Elyza Jace Wong Johan Luke Chen Pamela How Priscilla Tan Regina Hoh Sheila Loh Sin Yean Sofya Wei Wen Yong Ann Yeng Ling Yimei Zheng Xin Shush. Have a blog? I'd love to link you! Just leave your link below & I'll be sure to drop by ;) Gone. July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 June 2012 July 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 July 2013 January 2014 February 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 |