| July 7, 2011
Change. "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." I'm lying on my clinical bed with its white sheet, watching as the dull grey fan spins. Time is almost still here when you have nothing to do. I'm glad all I have is a digital watch and a phone that does not tick. I can picture myself slowly going insane as I watch the hands go ticking by. Things in camp are starting to settle. But life as a whole isn't exactly getting better. It seems my relationship with my girlfriend is in a mess. I'm a mess. I've recently completed my training at the Signal Institute and am no longer a trainee. I really thought things would be better; but it seems we've fallen into a stage where there will be at least one fight, however big or small with every meet-up. Its usually those stupid silly things, but also those that really get on your nerves at the same time. And as it accumulates you start getting impatient.. I broke first, I said I was tired with all the insecurities, the expectations, and the quarrels. I'm not proud but I was certain it was the right thing to do, I said we probably need a break from one another.. A week has since passed and all I can say is it's really hard.. If you think the guys have it easy, I assure you it isn't.. I wish it was but it ain't true. And so we're kinda not talking now. It sucks because I know its not going to solve anything and is only going to make things worse. But I really don't know what more I can do. Her 21st is coming up and I feel awful, things couldn't have come at a more terrible time. I'm not sure if its the right thing to do as we are both probably still not ready to meet yet. But I've asked her out tomorrow nevertheless as I've already planned and promised. .. I can only hope it's not too awkward It's strange isn't it? how a couple can feel like the most connected beings on earth at one moment and at the next it just doesn't feel right anymore.. what shame and more agony. The most painful thing of all however is the feeling you know tomorrow wouldn't just be a simple birthday dinner. My friend told me if we were to break up, it will be my loss. He's probably right. Afterall, I'm the one in camp with nothing more but a hard-as-stone bed and a spinning fan that stares back at me. And I know, a girl like mine is probably irreplaceable.. But if letting go is the right thing for us, then I must brace myself for the worst Because as with all things said, life still moves on.. |
The Secret.  
The Need.
Graduate with a smile
The nice soft hair I once had Prosumer Camera (maybe) A good inspiration A long vacation A Car, a Bike and a Puppy Everlasting love? Whatever else that makes me happy My Escapes. Aaron Ng Aloysius Ong Christine Christopher Chia Cynthia Neo Elyza Jace Wong Johan Luke Chen Pamela How Priscilla Tan Regina Hoh Sheila Loh Sin Yean Sofya Wei Wen Yong Ann Yeng Ling Yimei Zheng Xin Shush. Have a blog? I'd love to link you! Just leave your link below & I'll be sure to drop by ;) Gone. July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 June 2012 July 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 July 2013 January 2014 February 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 |