| September 27, 2011
fallen  I used to tell her that she may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but she'll will always be my favorite colour. I wasn't lying. It wasn't enough. Her expectations weren't sky high, she was a simple girl. But as time passed, she became increasingly insecure and for no real apparent reason too. Simple assurances will never suffice. It used to, but nothing will ever now as I soon realised. If there is no trust, then everything I say will mean nothing. It's strange she would think otherwise. In the position I am in, I've everything to lose, she doesn't and I could only recall myself being the patient one. I have to. She was my precious, she was everything I wanted, everything I hoped for.. But being sincere and kind wasn't enough. she was paranoid. Too paranoid. What used to be cute, to familiarity started to become down-right irritating. She love challenging me whenever she could. I never understood the rational behind it or why she does that, not to me, but more so to herself? Why would anyone? It doesn't make any sense to me, but she continues doing so.. Couldn't she see that its not doing us any good? What's the point of challenging me and testing me to my wits? I tried to find out, I never did. So what she has done was pushed me to the edge of the cliff. Our cliff. I'd hang on, but it doesn't seem like a cliff I'm sharing with her anymore, where we have picnic, crave our names on tress and fly kites. It now feels like I'm in her space. I can no longer belong. She has chased me to a position I never wanted to be in. I am at the corner, the tipping point of love. And so I took a leap and headed off the cliff. Now I'm in the air. No one likes jumping beyond what you always believed. I love her. Yet no matter how I see it, it is clear to my mind as with my heart. There's no longer anything I can do or provide. I'm not pointing fingers, but what she has done, was frighten me away. I was intimidated, I didn't know what she wanted; I didn't know what to do. And then I decided to take the leap of faith. I jumped. Now I can't sleep, I've fallen ill, twice. I push myself physically and mentally. But nothing is going to change. The damage has been done on both ends. I am just as guilty of it too. This time it's for real. It's not just another 'break'. We're breaking up. With all of me, I've hoped and wished this was all just a dream. But I cannot fool myself much longer. It hurts so bad because I almost want her to find someone new really quickly. Someone that can deliver all her expectations, someone that can deliver her the happiness I could no longer seem to provide. It would suck, and I know the day she finds a new man, is the day I will hit the bottom of the cliff; the worst feeling ever. I'll be shattered. I'll truly break down. But maybe being shattered is the thing I need to really stand back up and move on. Right now I'm still falling.. an endless pit it seems.. just falling.. and falling.. Am I a bad person? I never cheated. I never lied. I never had a change of heart. Everything I did I did for her. It is a pity.. it pains me very very much to say this, but I must. if you are reading this, I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you. I tried, I really did do everything I could possibly muster from all my heart and soul. But it still wasn't quite enough.. and that's the best I can do. I hope you all the best, to find a better man. Someone that respects you as I do and treats and protect you like his angel, and who rightfully deserve and cherish you.. because you are not just another gal.. you're magnificent. You are special. I can only pray. ..because that is all I can do now. with nothing but a broken heart. |
The Secret.  
The Need.
Graduate with a smile
The nice soft hair I once had Prosumer Camera (maybe) A good inspiration A long vacation A Car, a Bike and a Puppy Everlasting love? Whatever else that makes me happy My Escapes. Aaron Ng Aloysius Ong Christine Christopher Chia Cynthia Neo Elyza Jace Wong Johan Luke Chen Pamela How Priscilla Tan Regina Hoh Sheila Loh Sin Yean Sofya Wei Wen Yong Ann Yeng Ling Yimei Zheng Xin Shush. Have a blog? I'd love to link you! Just leave your link below & I'll be sure to drop by ;) Gone. July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 June 2012 July 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 July 2013 January 2014 February 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 |