It hurts. It really does. I now know how it feels, the effects of being in a relationship and how falling out of one feels like. It’s excruciating.

It puzzles me till this day how everyone seem to say the guys have it easy. we are usually the one doing the chase!  what I found most absurd however, is how people say we have little or no feelings. i'm a guy and I’m sure as hell that I have feelings.. in fact my heart aches ALL the time.

They also say we move on faster.. what bullshit!
Only if the guy in question is a complete arse and a flirt  – then probably not. In fact, we guys have it tougher, because we often harbor our feelings inside, keeping it to ourselves. we share, if not minimally because it’s in our nature not to. We wouldn't want to appear weak, troubled, or in need. So as much as we can, we try to solve our own problems, and that includes issues closest to our heart, we are not girls, we don’t have girlfriends to whine or cry to. We man up. And as silly as that sounds, in that, perhaps we hurt ourselves. I can testify; because a little part of me die inside everytime I think about it.

It's interesting that from the number of break-ups I know of, most of the ladies move on and get attached before their male counterparts(or ex if you prefer) do. Maybe it’s just with my group of friends. Still, it's frightening that some can move on and find someone new in the matter of weeks …. WEEKS!! Makes me wonder if they were ever even truly in love, how could they?! 


Is it even possible to get over one so quickly? =( 

Yet(sadly) that's not what the majority expects. The norm entails that a guy cheats while the ladies are usually the faithful one. Why is that so? Are all guys bad? I really doubt it.

Between me and her

It was a unanimous decision, I am pretty sure it was. I am also equally sure during that point in time, both our feelings for one another have not demised in any significant way. It wasn’t an easy call for the both of us. This I know.

And despite so, how could she say the likes of, ‘I KNOW you will find someone new SOON’, ‘I’m SURE you’ll find someone new’.. 

When all I can ever muster and say to her even till today are things like ‘you really meant so much to me, but I guess the time wasn't right for us..’, ‘I don’t think I can give you what you truly deserve..’, ‘I am so sorry I cannot be more for you’ and ‘I sincerely hope a better guy comes along and treat you every way I did but better.. someone who will be there for you 247, and provide to you where I cannot now’

& to her messages I must say, I don’t think I will find someone new, certainly not that SOON, and no, I’m not SURE if I will. More importantly, I am not sure If I am ready to or want to.

What she did then was made me feel really silly about myself; my thoughts, feelings, and the sorrows, redundant.

I care for her happiness. But suddenly, upon realisation that she is now attached in the matter of just a mere few months, I finally understood why. Perhaps, just perhaps, those messages were sent in context that she was already seeing someone new.

'Move on' texts then. 

Stupidly, I took most of them with sadistic intend and sarcasm. Everytime I read a msg like that my head screams “IT’S REALLY NOT AS EASY AS YOU MAKE IT SOUND =[ ” and “I’M  SORRY I'M HUMAN, & MUCH AS I TRY, I'M STILL NOT COMPLETELY OVER YOU”  I have feelings and trying to forget someone and your past really isn't as easy as just a snap of the fingers.

Yet, I’m certain she’s not the type. I knew her for 2 years. She isn’t the one to play with feelings when it gets serious.

But ouch does it hurts

4 months was all it took her to find someone new..

4 months. As happy as I am for her -deep inside I know I am. I mean, hey, she found another guy that can bring her happiness! Great for her really.. But I must confess, it came as one hell of a shock for me.

.

.

Perhaps it’s (finally) time for me to ditch the remains .. like the stuffed toy we shared that I can’t bare to kick off my bed.

but now I know I must. 

Because it's about time I did.