| August 7, 2014
i am not alright I am probably at the lowest point of my life. I know this because I am not a guy that normally cries*. *teared being only teary wet eyes, cried being enough accumulation for them to come falling Those that say they never ever cry? I used to find that cool and manly. Until i teared and teared again, and i finally actually cried, today, with actual tears rolling down my cheeks. I am very human afterall. In the past few months i was tested, my feelings were stretched, i never felt smaller, i was stumbling to a crawl... So this is what breaking down is really about.. Feelings have no confinement.. Yet we humans have to put up with a false (and forced) front. I realised i was pretending for the longest time. Always pretending. Pretending to contended. Pretending to be doing great. Pretending .. to be alright
I am not.
I am disgusted by people in general which our society and education have bred. I am disappointed at the system i am obliged to follow. I felt extremely constricted. I fought long and hard through adolescence only to end up in a place where there is only one way, up, or the the pit of forever lost, there's no room for the weak or failures. more importantly i hated myself for not daring. Daring to chase my desires, work less on what was dictated and expected upon me, to pursuit what truly matters, happiness: our responsible for living. . . I missed my gf. I dreamt of her, i waited for months, ldr is hard. finally i flew. i travelled half the globe, i met her, but bliss was not to be found. Only a certain destruction. We came home, we broke up. So basically all the fantasies, the hopes, everything we envisioned, gone. Just like that. I am left without the girl i thought might be 'it' and also a whole lot of money. My entire savings. I spent everything for love. Then, in the midst of it all, it seemed clear to me that I've truly lost an old friend who changed so much i could no longer continue our friendship. A friend so close but now only a distanted acquaintance whom i want little or no part of.. And where this is the point one (probably) has his/her family to turn to, because afterall they are blood and closest to the heart; a place for refuge, a place called home, mine's broken. Suddenly, the room is silenced, my heart is emptied. I (almost) have nothing left, i am stripped bare of everything that mattered. . all that is important to me, all that i have and always hold dear.... 6/8/2014 I came into my room, i shut my door, i sat on the floor and for the first time in more than 10years those damn wet things finally weighted enough to fall. All that accumulation , all my pains, my lost.. I am terrified, I am heartbroken and i feel all by myself It was then and there I finally figure(and admit) after so long that, no, i am not actually OK. I am not ok.. :( |
The Secret.  
The Need.
Graduate with a smile
The nice soft hair I once had Prosumer Camera (maybe) A good inspiration A long vacation A Car, a Bike and a Puppy Everlasting love? Whatever else that makes me happy My Escapes. Aaron Ng Aloysius Ong Christine Christopher Chia Cynthia Neo Elyza Jace Wong Johan Luke Chen Pamela How Priscilla Tan Regina Hoh Sheila Loh Sin Yean Sofya Wei Wen Yong Ann Yeng Ling Yimei Zheng Xin Shush. Have a blog? I'd love to link you! Just leave your link below & I'll be sure to drop by ;) Gone. July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 June 2012 July 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 July 2013 January 2014 February 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 |