| August 29, 2014
What it's like to be in love but not in love.  I guess she forgotten me skipping my meals almost everyday, just to save for my flight to find her. I guess she forgotten that I remained faithful and that my frustrations were only because I've missed her. I guess she forgotten that when one is in love all the person ever want is to be with the person he loves, and nothing more. And then I guess she forgot that because she wasn't simply a train or a bus away, all I asked for was some small attention. and then I suppose that too became a burden. she was doing fine without me. I guess she didn't understand that studying was my mean of keeping my sadness away because she was always traveling, so i'll just keep doing what I was doing.. withering myself away.. I guess she forgotten that being the one grounded is never easy. And support is what is necessary for all LDR to work. Maybe she simply wanted to give up. Or no longer loved. I guess she didn't know I lost 3kg and that everyone was saying I got skinnier. I did not tell her, I just wanted her to be happy and enjoy herself but only hope she remembers (me). she grew tired instead. Everything that she asks for, I gave in. Everything. And all she does is habour over a few sentences I said She also values her independence, I have never held her back. And when I am unhappy it is exactly because I care that things matters. it's love. What more can I do, that I have not already done? she demands to know about the future.. haven't all that I have done not show enough sincerity? The patience, me giving things up, me letting go, me respecting her, me giving in, me loving her.. doesn't that surmount to more than a quick fire reply that is what she wants to hear? about the future.. about the future.. about that.... how are we now? 1yr + 6 months of you being away, is it fair to ask for an answer? how fair was it for me the she treated me for the entire month in Europe? Hasn't the subtle hints of 'this may really be something' I've always dropped mean anything to her? is anything ever enough for her? or perhaps she is just too blind to see. I wonder if this feeling of hurt will ever heal, There isn't natural progression, not for her. Only solid answers. There isn't follow your heart in her dictionary. Only what she wants. There isn't understanding, There isn't fairness, There is no such thing as promises (because she can break them all, and that's OK. But just because I cannot provide ONE simply because I am honest and real, she chooses to break away from me) Then there was her, and it is still her. Everything I ever did, I did for her. So if it isn't love, then I don't know what is. But for her nothing seems enough except for what she wants in her fairy-tale world and that is not me. I am torn and broken, I cried for nothing in this world but because of her, my tears came rolling down. I've never loved someone so hard yet failed so hard at the same time.. She say she doesn't feel it. Was it I who was rushing? because it certainly wasn't me who was pressing.. But it seems she thinks she was the only one making all the sacrifices. or at least my sacrifices doesn't mean anything to her.. Sometimes I can't help but think if it was really love, if ours was something really precious to her, then none of this will have happened. If it was really love, there's no way one will get too tired, if it was really love, then one will not take things in measurement. if it was really love, one will simply keep on loving until the time is right and ripe for both. That's what I did, but what she did instead was lock herself up and create a distance. I was trying so damn hard for her, and there was nothing coming from her. underappreciated? maybe. underloved? maybe. just so hurt.. Europe for her.. everything for her. It's all a bloody joke.. I wish so hard that none of this was real. Nothing happened. She never left. Nothing.. just nothing.. :'c .
I wonder if pushing me away what you always wanted? or maybe she didn't love me anymore and its all just an excuse to get me off.
Happy Birthday.
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The Secret.  
The Need.
Graduate with a smile
The nice soft hair I once had Prosumer Camera (maybe) A good inspiration A long vacation A Car, a Bike and a Puppy Everlasting love? Whatever else that makes me happy My Escapes. Aaron Ng Aloysius Ong Christine Christopher Chia Cynthia Neo Elyza Jace Wong Johan Luke Chen Pamela How Priscilla Tan Regina Hoh Sheila Loh Sin Yean Sofya Wei Wen Yong Ann Yeng Ling Yimei Zheng Xin Shush. Have a blog? I'd love to link you! Just leave your link below & I'll be sure to drop by ;) Gone. July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 June 2012 July 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 July 2013 January 2014 February 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 |