maybe i'm not as good as i think i am. I don't 'know-it-all'. In fact, I'm really as clueless as everyone else or even more! So who am i kidding anyway. but of myself? So many things are yet to be figured and some hidden potentials to be found. Clearly I'm not quite there yet and I have no intention of giving up or out. I might fail but already have a couple of times and learnt that its part and parcel of the learning journey i chose to undertake. & now that i'm mindful of what i want, nothing shall stop me. not til the very end. nothing..

you'll never guess what i am talking about heh. So don't bother trying too hard! & don't feel bad  because thats how it's suppose to be - to get you confused! :b

this shall serve as a reminder to myself and hopefully when i see this again in the future i can gauge how much i've improved or none at all.

Sometimes the case could be argued because it’s possible to find excuses such as the large sum of money or time involved but more often than not, it’s probably just me. After all the only thing that can really stop one from taking up a(sometimes crazy) hobby, joining classes or taking part in activities is from within and only within. So, like a coward who can't even face himself in the mirror and finds excuses for not wanting to, I really hate myself.

To begin with, I always wanted to learn waltz (yes the dance). Actually I’ve always had the thing for dancing but I never pursuit it.. maybe it’s because of my peers and parents. I know some might not accept it and my parents will probably not approve of it, thinking it’s for the ‘shallow people’ who don’t have a proper goal in life. That probably explains why I didn’t join dance(hip-hop) in poly as my CCA. I was also dissapointed at myself because I also feared that I wouldn’t make it past the trials and never bothered even signing up for it. Coward. I later found an old friend who's into freelance dancing, Shawn. He invited me to join him for a session. But I never did and till today haven’t found an excuse why and now I’m afraid it might be too late. 

I was also keen to learn to drum but insisted - in my mind - that I’m not up for music and will be better off keeping the money for other use (drumming lessons and sessions are very costly). I always wanted to sign up for rock climbing but my excuse for not has always been and still is because I couldn't find anyone to join it with me. I always wanted to.. and wanted to.. but I never once did. And opportunities lost are lost forever. 

is it really time or money? Or is it fear of trying something new? I do not know. All I know is I’ll stay a coward until the day I finally change.

I rock. whether you like it or not. LOL.

ppl there behave the way they are. They rarely pretend to be who they're not. 

In other words they are very much themselves. With guys, girls and everyone alike.

I see those guys in singapore, behaving so differently with girls and a group of guys-only. Why? i wouldn't deny that i used to be something along that line but now i'm changing. And i dare say for the better. I mean, why is there a need to be different? for what cause? to charm girls? C'mon if you're really awesome you can be yourself and still win girls the way you are when you're with the usual gang of guys. Oh and if the girl really likes you, she'll like you the way you are. no?

let me give u a rather intriguing example. Although i guess most of u already know; and if you don't well.. read on.

Here's the thing. Do you know that all guys are in truth, very lustful and superficial creatures? maybe even half their minds are spent thinking of girls. If a group of guy-only friends meet up. There's no one session girls wouldn't be a topic for the day. And radars will be turned on if they stroll down the streets of orchard, all by defualt. Thats how we're made & this i assure you. Unless of course, the guy of concern is gay. Trust me. Even the geeks from top-notch schools that you thought couldn't care less about girls are very likely, perhaps, the most lecherous. Like many others, they simply deny. why?

thats just one point. There's still the entire issue of not being urself, character wise, behavior wise and the amount of coarse language used. by that i mean guys who severly tone down their vulagrities used with girls around. Well they still should. but in the first place they shouldn't be that vulgar for the matter..

I'm sick and tired of trying to be, different. heck. if a girl doesn't like me about something. I ain't going to change for who i'm worth. I have my own style and play. Although sometimes i do admit i get ahead of of myself, stray and let off the really ulgy side of me. then again thats all part of the real me. desire to change(or not) must come within me and not for the sake of another.

Plus, don't they always say relationships are where both party truely understand and accept their other half?  ;)